The Wonderful Garage Sale
By Ursula
Rated: Is it het or slash or just silly? A.
Disclaimer: Scully belongs to Chris Carter and Mac27 to the Outer Limits. Both kidnapped with Glee (Glee not sold in stores. A versatile ointment that catches flies and plots.)
Author's Notes: Inspired by the Nick-Zone Game List
Series: 1. The Wonderful Garage Sale, 2. Factory Fresh and 3. Made to Order
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
It was eight AM. On a Sunday morning. Maggie Scully thrilled from the kitchen. "Dana, dear, come and have breakfast."
Dana could smell orange juice, coffee and grease. Big bulbous yellow clinging globs of fat were already floating through the air. Dana could feel them zeroing in on her, heading with radar accuracy for her face, hips and lower stomach. "Mommm!" she whimpered, "Eggs and bacon? I can't eat that. I'll be fattttt!"
Maggie poked her head out of the kitchen "Oh, baby, you aren't fat. In fact, maybe if you just let a little padding smooth your lovely bone structure, I'd be a grandmother. That and if you lose Mulder. By the way, I threw away your green suit. It had something on it. I'm not sure what, but when I sprayed the spot remover on it; the cloth dissolved and made a horrible smell. What was that, dear?"
Scully shrugged as she plodded into the kitchen like a condemned woman. She replied, "It was either bile or ichor. I can't remember which. Oh, wait! It was putrid brains! You see Mulder and I..."
Her mother had run from the room, holding her hands over her mouth. Scully sat down at the table. My goodness, some people had such weak stomachs. She spooned open her yolks so she could soak her toast boats in them.
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"Mulder, are you sure there's no X File that we have to investigate?" Scully whispered desperately. "Come on! Cattle mutilation? Beast woman invades Girl Scout Cookie sale? Teenage witches ruin prom? Something? Anything?"
Mulder's voice held a unique combination of weary irritation, husky morning after/just got laid satiation, and general grogginess. A male voice said something in the background and Mulder replied, "Yeah, yeah, I am going back into bed, Al...um, Alice."
That didn't sound like an Alice to Scully. In fact, that sounded a lot like...like...Krycek? No, she was hearing things. Scully glumly said, "Just you wait. Next time you want me to run off to Antarctica, or a swamp, or some desert atoll, I'm not going and so there!"
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Scully hoped the car wouldn't start. When she wrote the sweet little note promising a mother-daughter weekend for a belated gift, she had been suffering from horrible guilt pains. Mother's Day had been spent in the slimy, nicotine stained hands of CSM. By the time the old bastard set her free, the celebration was over. She had imagined a pleasant dinner, perhaps a movie, a concert, or even the opera. To her horror, Maggie Scully wanted a sleep-over and a day of garage sales.
It had all started as a charity bazaar, but one thing led to another. Soon, Mom had been hitting a garage sale here and there just to pick up clothes for disaster relief. Odd knickknacks begin appearing in her curio cabinet. A collection of salt and pepper shakers in the shapes of kissing Dutch boys and girls, Sylvester and Tweety, and Mushroom pairs was approaching epidemic proportions. Face it, Maggie Scully was hooked and there was no twelve-step program for her addiction.
The engine purred. 'Thank you a whole lot, God,' Dana thought. She forced a smile on her face as her mother brought out a well-marked newspaper.
Maggie also produced a computer-generated map. She said, "Thanks to Road Master, I can print the most efficient route to use and hit twice as many garage sales before lunch. Isn't that wonderful?"
Dana said, "Yes, mother." She closed her eyes just for a moment and prayed, "Abduct me, please!"
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"I wonder if Mulder would like this?" Scully thought. She had seen twenty Mr. Bass, a Christmas carol singing lei necked Elvis that gyrated his hips to six and a half tunes, and two stuffed moose heads. This was different though. Someone had brilliantly sculpted a huge mosquito head and mounted it on a plaque. It had iridescent scales, a magnificent black proboscis, and a plaque that read, "Juvenile specimen: Mosquito Ontario Terrible."
Maggie handed her a bag overflowing with musty smelling garments and said, "The children in Bosnia will appreciated these."
Dana nodded. It sounded a lot like, "Eat your scalloped potatoes, Dana; there are children starving in China."
Dana wedged the bags into her overflowing trunk with a grunt of effort. Mom sighed and rubbed her hands together. She said, "Just one more."
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This place seemed almost too richly appointed to be having a garage sale. The garage in question was a three-car model after all with a vast driveway leading up to it. The smartly clad proprietress said, "Oh, I have only a few things left, but do come in."
Mom wandered off to have a look at the ceramics. Dana gravitated toward the books, pushing aside a musty mink coat, which was decorated by a splotch of what appeared to be tomato juice. "Oh excuse me!" She blurted as her hand encountered warm flesh.
Dana glanced up into velvet-lined orbs of the most lushly verdant green. A nose twice as cute as her long lost pet rat twitched. The man had a mouth like two pink Valentine hearts entwined above a chin that was just weak enough to say, "Take me. I'll give in."
A moment later the little tight hot flush in her groin released control to her brain. "Krycek!" She growled. "What are you doing here?"
A fumble as she drew her gun from her shoulder bag. She found it and pointed it at the man who was oddly clad in a one-piece brown coverall. "You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent."
A giggle punctuated her professional and practiced recitation. The garage sale woman said, "Oh, dear, so many people mistake that model for somebody who must have such an interesting life. That is just a Mac 27. A realistic android useful for a million and one purposes. He is quite attractive; don't you think? Say something, Mac!"
The android smiled, a slow sexy smile that gradually exposed his large white teeth. Dimples appeared at the sides and his eyes twinkled just like little green Christmas tree lights. "I am here to serve, ma'am."
The woman showed a hand-lettered tag that said, "One thousand dollars." She said, "I understand that he cost ever so much more. He's such a bargain. But my daughter is getting married and her fiance thinks it's better not to have him anywhere around."
The blonde woman with the elegant coiffure extended her hand elegantly. She looked around and whispered, "He's a sex model, you know."
Dana felt that greedy little pulse in her groin. Oh yes, and such a psychological revenge on the rat bastard. She could take out every little revenge drama she had ever envisioned on this copy of Krycek. Taking out her checkbook, she wrote the check. Mulder would just have to pay for the next two or three outfits she ruined on his hair-brained adventures.
The woman sighed and said, "I do wish Dustin wasn't so adamant. Mac27 is so good with the garden."
Maggie Scully wandered over with a pair of shakers in the form of a kissing rat and fox on a badger base. She said, "I just have to buy this one. It's unique." Her eyes followed Dana's hand as she tucked away her checkbook. "Dear, did you finally buy something?"
"Him." Dana said, indicated the Mac27. "He's a self programming android. The latest thing."
Maggie peered at the robot and said, "He's so realistic. He reminds me of someone. Oh, that nice young agent that Mulder brought to dinner that one evening. How interesting! Do you suppose he posed for the face?"
Dana shrugged and said, "Could be. Let's go home, Mom. I want to read the instructions."
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
A few hours later, Dana was still reading, but Mac27 had made her a tossed salad, a perfect cup of tea, and was now massaging her feet. Maybe she wouldn't harm a hair on his sweet bio-tronic head. It wasn't his fault that he looked like Krycek.
Dana ran her toes over the groin of the Mac27. She found a deep scarlet blush erupting. She had just reached the part where they described just how fully functional Mac27 was. She couldn't resist. She said, "Mac27, you must be uncomfortable in that dusty old coverall. Take it off."
The android smiled sweetly, stood up, and pulled off the coverall.
Scully took a quick breath and said, "Your briefs too."
Mac27 was lovely. His chest was perfectly shaped; an even shallow well of pectorals defined his broad chest. Rippling muscles defined his shoulders and arms. His six-pack abs was like a multi-serving of champagne. His stomach was a shallow hollow. A light dusting of hair dabbled downward to the sleek fur below. His cock rested on display, a handsome and delicious appearing device that was rosy and smoothly shaped. He was cut and the head of his penis seemed to shine invitingly.
Scully felt her nipples tighten and a lovely tension started in her groin. Fully functional. Fully functional. Yeah, Mulder take this!
Scully said, "Mac27, would you like to make love?"
The android batted his eyes and said, "I very much like to make love. I know three thousand and two positions. My refractory time is five point two seconds. I can sustain an erection indefinitely as you desire. I can recite love poetry in twenty-four languages. Is this sufficient?"
Scully's mouth went dry. She said, "It will do until something better comes along."
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Mac27 tasted real. His skin released a gentle pheromone scent therapy that made Scully just melt. His soft moans and chuckles of appreciation as he mouthed her nipples, the inside of her knees, and the soft pulsing mound of her labia was a ceaselessly erotic sound. When his tireless tongue found her clitoris, she clutched the bedding and sang an aria.
Scully arched and she knew that this foreplay was not quite enough. She reached and stroked his cock. It felt real. Nothing like her vibrator. He arched and pushed himself hard into her hand. The skin felt so hot. She could feel the rapid pulse of blood. He felt heavy and full to her like a luscious fruit begging to be plucked. Or in this case, to be fucked. It was time for more. Now!
Scully whispered tenderly, "Mac27, are you ready?"
The android whispered back, "Oh, yes."
Scully lay back and lifted her legs to receive him. She felt so ready, so wanton. Her breasts ached with passion. Her clitoris pulsed greedily. She said, "Now, Mac27, now."
Two voices rough with passion said in unison, "Oh, baby, please, I need to have you inside me."
Nothing happened. Scully waited a long moment before she opened her eyes and found the Mac27 sprawled beside her. His pretty face was buried in the pillow. His cute tush waggled in the air invitingly. His legs were spread invitingly to reveal his glistening anus.
Scully felt her passion cramp in her belly. Oh shit, oh shit. What had the lady said, "Her fiance thinks it's better not to have him anywhere around..."
Scully had assumed that the Mac27 had belonged to the daughter. Looks like this sweet clever android had belonged to the future husband. Oh dear!
Scully slapped the Mac27 on the bottom and said, "Mac27, I think we need to reprogram you. Go run me a hot bath with lots of bath oil."
Scully picked up the phone and dialed the number that Mulder had given her long ago in case she was in dire straits and needed help. That time had come. Scully put on her sweetest voice and said, "Frohike? Hi, I have this situation and I need you to reprogram this entertainment device."
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
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