Dustin meets the Apology Fairy
by Ursula
Disclaimer:Panzer, Ryther, and Fox, who cares who owns them? They don't feed them or pet them anymore.
Author's Notes:Apology to Emily and Sue for screwing up my feedback
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
What now? The pounding at the door made Dustin's heart pound just as loudly. Sometimes he wished he had the nerve to just go to the police and confess. Minnow made his life little more than a prison anyway. Rising from the lounge chair by the pool...well, it was a gilded cage if it was a prison, Dustin answered the door.
There stood a tall dark man wearing a pink tutu, pink sparkly cellophane wings, and a sword. He had one of those electric signature devices that UPS uses. He glanced at the instructions and said, "Dustin Yarma?"
What kind of joke was this? Dustin waited for the guy to start singing or dancing or at least to juggle yams.
Nothing for a long silent moment as the man moved his lips as he read his instructions.
"Okay, I am Duncan MacLeod of the Clan...oh, wrong, let me try again. Hello, I am Duncan MacLeod, doomed to walk the earth these five hundred years and make rights wrong to earn forgiveness from all the friends whose heads I have severed. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. You are Dustin Yarma?"
"Yes," Dustin said.
"Sign here, the party of the first part will accept from the party of the third part on the behalf of...oh forget, just sign the bleeding thing..."
"Shouldn't I get a lawyer?" Dustin asked, unable to make heads or tales of the contract, which was as confusing as a Chris Carter script.
"I was a lawyer in a flash back. What do you want obfuscated?" Duncan said, scratching the left armpit of his tutu.
"Never mind, I'm screwed anyway. Just do what you're supposed to do and get on with it," Dustin replied sadly.
"Corrina, Corrina?" Duncan sang out.
The girl from the beach emerged from the van that had the pink fairy logo emblazoned boldly, where no logo had gone before, on its sides. She waved merrily at Dustin, not looking any worse the wear from having been killed twice.
"Hi, cutie, want to see some more of my tattoos?" she asked.
"You're dead..." he blurted.
"DeadAlive. Requiem. It's the essence of existence," she muttered obscurely.
"Aye, the saucy wench...God, girl, have ye no table manners with that Arby's horsy sauce?" Duncan said in an aside. Giving the girl a little shake, Malted chocolate shake, Duncan explained, "She's an immortal...the adopted daughter and student of Cory Raines, the thief of hearts and stirrer of parts. She and Minnow have been working this scam for two hundred years. They're con artists and you have been stung...twice."
"No shit?" Dustin said, "So I'm free? What about Minnow? Can I kill him?"
"No, Minnow is a little fishy that must have his just fate...Here, Silas, come Silas! Good boy."
A large and obviously child-like oaf stumbled out of the van. He looked around, saw Dustin, and grinned widely. "Silas play with pretty boy?" he asked.
"Down, Silas! Corrina, get your ass in the house and bring forth your former partner," Duncan directed. He was a lousy director so everyone took a while to find their places.
Minnow blanched as he saw Corrina and said, "Oh, the jigs up..."
"Don't say...that word..." Duncan screamed, but it was too late. His pink tutu clad body begin to dance a sailor's hornpipe to the suddenly lively sound track.
Meanwhile, Silas was unwrapping his screaming present. "Oh goody, Silas is going to love you and hug you and kiss you and take such good care of you."
"You can't do this to me. You can't do this to me...Dustin....no, help me," Minnow said as Silas threw down his last scrap of clothing and clamped on a pink cubic zircon embedded collar.
"Wow, thanks, guys!' Dustin remarked, "Anything I can do for you?"
A muttered non-character voice Mary-Sued from the stratosphere.
"Oh, him? A new movie? Hey, all right, I like something about that man's acting. Let me get his agent..."
Whistling, "Who's sorry now?", a happy Dustin wandered off down Sunset Boulevard.
Free at last. Lord-God almighty, he was free at last...
Apology Over
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
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