For Services Rendered
by Emily and Dr. Ruthless
Rated: A, Slash
Pairing: Dustin Yarma/Alex Krycek, Kiss Tommorrow Goodbye/The X-Files
Summary: Dustin retained Alex Krycek to rub Minnow out.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Sebastian for sterling beta work. All remaining errors are ours.
Series: 1. For Services Rendered, 2. Future Perfect , 3. What You Get For Loving Me , 4. Out of the Frying Pan, 5. Into the Fire, 6. Present Tense, 7. Extremis
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Alex Krycek loomed over Dustin Yarma as he sat, still reeling at the idea that Minnow had come to an untimely end. Dustin had been writing a check for the balance of the money he'd promised the assassin who looked so much like him, when Alex had told him the payment he was really holding out for.
"But I like girls, Alex..." Dustin was confused. This situation was, despite his dissolute lifestyle, way beyond anything he'd ever experienced.
"So do I," husked Alex, smiling the smile of a shark. "As well - but you've been a bad boy, Dustin."
"Well, fuck, like you haven't!" Dustin was completely unable to think of anything badder than this killer for hire, who was invading his body space. He was beginning to think that Minnow hadn't been so bad after all.
Alex's smile didn't waver, but he pressed in a little closer to Dustin, causing a frisson of fear to shimmer the length of the other man's spine. "Yeah, but I'm allowed to. It's my job!" he said, sweetly.
Dustin shook his head, as much to clear it as in denial. "I don't understand. What do you want from me?"
"Honesty. Devotion. Obedience." The words fell between them, and there was a gasp from Dustin, followed by a stunned silence.
"Obedience?" When at last he spoke, Dustin's voice was breathy, and his eyes were round with astonishment. "You think I'm a dog or something?"
"Woof woof, Dusty boy." Alex grinned nastily again, and took out a collar. "I bought you something today, Dustin." Dustin backed away, finally colliding with the wall, a really wild look in his eyes.
"Stay away, you bastard. Don't come near me."
Alex stood beside the couch, waiting for Dustin to come to rest. Once his double had reached the corner, he spoke in a firm, yet calm voice. "Get over here, Dustin."
Dustin didn't move, other than to shrink further into the corner. He must have been nuts to think that he could get rid of his problems so simply. When would he ever learn? Pressed tight against the wall, he viewed Krycek with a terrified look that was a little short of panic.
"I'll... I'll call the police. You can't do this to me."
Alex sauntered towards him, smirking. "What'll you tell them, exactly, Dusty? Hmm...?" He extended a finger to caress Dustin's chest. Dustin jumped as the finger touched his shirt, and looked nervously around him. "Why are you doing this? There must be something you'd rather be doing?"
"Nope," grinned Alex, and fondled his chest, before suddenly taking hold of Dustin's shirt and ripping it. "I need to do this. It's time for your punishment, Dustin."
Dustin choked. His hands came up to try to stop Alex from tearing his clothes, but without much real effort, merely batting feebly at Alex. "What... what do you want me to do?"
"Take off your pants and stand against the wall," was the uncompromising reply. Alex ran his hand contemplatively over Dustin's chest, where the torn shirt had exposed satin skin.
"My pants?" croaked Dustin. "Why? What are you...?" He hung his head.
"Do it, Dustin... or else." Alex's eyes were darkening in lust now, and his body language had changed from languorous to threatening. "Hurts me more than you," he sneered.
Dustin's eyes flickered as he hoped against hope for a way out of this. He began reluctantly to unfasten his buttons, but he was moving surreptitiously, sidling towards the door.
"Uh-uh, Dustin. Against the wall. NOW!" Krycek's voice rang out like a pistol shot. It was obvious that he wasn't going to let Dustin run. The terrified producer drew his breath in sharply, and straightened up to stand rigid against the wall. His hands fell to his sides, and he whimpered, scared of what might happen next. His eyes closed, veiling panicked eyes as he stood, head back, martyred against the stucco.
"Good boy," breathed Alex. He stepped right in against him and shoved him into the wall, leaning over to bite his ear - a quick, sharp nip that jerked a gasp from Dustin.
"Don't, please." He was trying again - a last, desperate attempt to escape this situation. "I've got money. I can pay you."
Alex was nuzzling into the smooth skin of Dustin's throat and spoke against the throb of Dustin's pulse. "Don't want your money, Dusty. I've got enough of that." Dustin gave a sob, and allowed his head to fall back against the wall.
"I don't understand."
"What don't you understand?" The words came to Dustin as a purr, heard through veils of terror. Alex bit his neck softly and caressed his back and flanks. "You're so... innocent..."
Dustin racked his brain for the last time he had been called that. It was a very long time in the past. He stood motionless, and Alex raised his head until his knowing eyes met Dustin's. At that moment, Dustin realized exactly how true Alex's words had been. He was innocent indeed.
"Why do you want to do this? What can humiliating me get you?" His voice was very small - a series of breathless little hiccups. Innocent indeed!
Alex was smiling again, as remote as an icon. For a moment, Dustin wondered if he was truly human, or if he were a djinn, blown here to torment him. "In the end, you won't be humiliated." Alex smiled at him, and the intense gaze bored into Dustin's skull. "In the end, you'll crave it... I told you..." He looked almost sad for a moment, and then said unexpectedly, "I can free you, you know."
"Why would you want to?" said Dustin, taken completely by surprise. "How could you free me?" His breath started to quicken as Alex touched him. He couldn't avoid the exploring hands and even though he shrank away, the caresses were having a strange effect on him.
"I can be your ego, and your id. I can be what you need. I can be you, then you won't have to be..." Alex had dropped his hands to Dustin's fly, and his fingers were probing, stroking, and finally starting to unzip the expensive linen slacks that Dustin wore. "I can give you... devotion, trust, power..."
Dustin shrank from the hand that was invading his groin. It felt good, but it was terrifying too. The words he'd heard rattled around inside his head, and he shivered at the implications. "You want to take my identity? You want to be me? You can't. I won't let you."
"No, you misunderstand, pet. I can help you."
"You mean you can help yourself," snorted Dustin. By this time Alex had extracted Dustin's cock and was palming it gently, feeling it fill with little spurting movements under his onslaught.
Alex looked at Dustin, smiling as he felt his arousal. Knowing Dustin didn't really want it seemed to make him want it more. But he wasn't sure how he felt about that. "And you. Let me help you, Dustin."
Dustin had begun to babble now. "How can you help me? What can you do for me that I can't do for myself?" Taking a deep breath, he put his hands on Alex's shoulders and tried to push him away.
Alex looked into Dustin's eyes, becoming angry now. "Dustin," he warned, "Don't make me hurt you." He pushed Dustin back against the wall, not too hard, but not softly either. "Turn around and let me see your pretty, pretty ass."
He unzipped slowly, his eyes slightly menacing, predatory.
Dustin shook his head again, even though his cock was pulsing, hard as iron in Alex's hand. He squirmed, attempting to move away, and gasped as Alex squeezed him. "No, no. Don't do this. Please don't." His blood ran a little cold as he recalled another time and place, and a girl saying those very words to him. He was doomed. It was payback time.
"You know you want it," Alex growled, trying to suppress his doubts.
He laughed darkly. "Look at you... hard as a flagpole. You know you want me to lick you... " Alex licked his lips lustily, stroking Dustin's cock more firmly, rubbing a thumb over the tip.
Dustin gasped, and a trickle of fluid dripped from the eye of his cock at the thought, perverse as it was. He spread his thighs apart slightly as Alex's expert fingers tugged and caressed him, unable to resist the sensations that were beginning to flow through him.
Alex flicked his eyes to Dustin's briefly, pulse quickening at the ghost of lust he saw there. "Yeah..." he said, a barely audible whisper.
He dropped to his knees. "Oh, Dustin... please..." He put his hands on Dustin's hips and watched him.
Dustin could no longer speak. He felt as though he were a small, insignificant rodent, stalked by a sleek Siamese. The beauty of his pursuer did nothing to ease the pain of his imminent demise. He began to shake, knowing that he stood no chance against the insistent Krycek, and besides, it felt so fucking NICE.
Alex took Dustin's pants all the way down and grinned at the feel of that tight, tight ass as he passed his hands back and over the twin firm globes, squeezing slightly. His cock twitched as he licked just the tip of Dustin's cock lightly, teasingly.
He looked up into Dustin's eyes.
"Oh, yeah... tell you what... go lie face down on the couch..."
Dustin didn't know quite what to do. He couldn't do anything except let Alex touch him. He shivered with the fear that making a movement under his own volition would somehow validate the things that were happening to him. Finally, when Alex prompted him, he moved as though he was in a dream. Reaching the couch at last, he merely stood there, unmoving.
Alex took some lube from a cabinet near the couch and looked at Dustin, wishing he weren't so... wooden, as though he was just going through the motions. But maybe he was? Pushing the thought aside, he walked over to Dustin and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Dustin, pet, lie down."
His reluctant double continued to stand for a few moments more. "I'm afraid. You'll hurt me." Finally, at Alex's insistent prompt, he dropped to his knees, lowered his head, and waited.
Alex, seeing that Dustin really was scared, sat beside him, patting his back lightly, wondering if he really wanted to put him at ease, or whether he was perversely enjoying the man's discomfiture.
Dustin, pathetic now, suddenly seemed to give up and leaned into the comfort that Alex was offering. For a minute there was silence, and then he whispered, "Please don't hurt me. Anything you want as long as you don't hurt me."
Alex wrapped his arms around Dustin, pulling him close. "I... I... no, I could never hurt you, Dustin. I care for you..." he said, surprising himself by his own sincerity.
"I won't hurt you. Not much. I'll be gentle. It's your first time... I know." He kissed Dustin sensuously on the mouth. "I could never hurt you," he added, knowing how tempted he'd been to do just that.
"What... What are you going to do?" Dustin melted into the kiss, quite suddenly losing his rigidity and leaning against Alex. He seemed to have reverted to a childlike manner, and made no more attempts to push Alex away as the assassin kissed him ever more deeply, delving into his mouth as he explored it.
After a few minutes, Dustin put a timid arm around Alex's back, and began to pull him closer.
Alex tightened his arms around Dustin, holding him against his chest. He leaned in, nibbling lightly at his ear as he spoke softly into it. "I'm going to make you very happy. I'm going to take away all your fears. I'm gonna make it so no-one can ever hurt you again, Dustin."
Somehow it seemed wrong to continue without Dustin's permission. Alex longed to take the beautiful man, to possess him totally, willingly. As he squeezed Dustin's back and kissed him again, briefly, he was asking himself why he didn't just go ahead as he had with all the others in the past.
"You can't. Nobody can," said Dustin, with a small, desolate sigh. He'd been responsible for death and betrayal, and he felt as though he was no longer grounded. He stayed in Alex's arms, nestling as though he was comfortable there. Alex sat beside him, content to hold him as he snuggled. He could feel that there were still tremors of fear running through Dustin's body.
Alex stroked Dustin's hair and neck. "I can. I can do it, Dustin... I will. Now, be a good boy and lie down, okay?" He kept stroking Dustin's hair, then leant down and kissed his eyelids lightly. "You'll see, pet. It will all be fine."
Dustin lifted his head at that and gave a frightened little sob.
"You think I'm an animal," he mumbled, as he obediently moved to lie down.
As Alex slid back out of the way he looked at him out of the corner of his eye and asked almost breezily, "Why do you say that, Dustin?" He stroked Dustin's back softly, kneeling beside him as he settled on the couch.
"You call me pet." Dustin sounded indignant, and for a moment he stiffened up. "You're making me do this. What else should I believe? I have no choice in it." Once more, he relaxed, laying his head against Alex's broad chest, almost as if he were daring Alex to do his worst.
Alex sighed. "Dustin, Dustin. I'm freeing you, don't you see that?" He moved his hands lower, resting them on Dustin's ass. He rubbed gently, not yet touching his asshole.
Dustin smiled spitefully. "Freeing me? Or just helping yourself?" He bit his lip and moved against Alex's hand in an unconsciously sensuous manner that was quite at variance with the words he'd spoken.
Alex looked away contemplatively. He thought about it - Dustin almost had a point.
Almost, Alex? He thought to himself, wryly. That's a laugh. Don't kid yourself.
"When you give yourself to someone, completely, it frees you..." He knew that was the theory, and hoped that Dustin's movements beneath him meant that the other was beginning to be convinced.
"But I'm not giving, am I?" asked Dustin, his lashes fluttering in mockery of seduction. "You're taking!"
Alex lubed up a few fingers, holding his hands so that Dustin could see him do it.
"Tsk, tsk. A little ungrateful to speak to me that way, hmm?"
Dustin closed his eyes and turned away, feather-lashes brushing his cheek as he averted his head. Alex continued, rubbing some of the lube into the other man's skin, his eyes searching for a spontaneous response.
"Am I taking, Dustin? Here you are, pet - so hard; so ready for it." So damn cute with that pout, he thought. "Baby... look at me."
"For fuck's sake!" The expletive took Alex by surprise. He hadn't thought that irritation would be the emotion that surfaced when his victim finally broke. Dustin turned to glare at Alex. "You won't be satisfied until you have it all, will you?" he said, naively.
"Nope." Alex looked at him coldly for a moment. He slowly leaned over, parting Dustin's cheeks and kissing Dustin's rosebud. He licked at Dustin's asshole - Damn. He's so fucking tight - and slowly worked his tongue into that sweet hole, using gentle yet insistent pressure.
Hard as rock, wanting it, but not wanting it, Dustin was reduced to jelly as he felt his tormentor's tongue on him - IN him, for Christ's sake. He cried out once, totally beside himself and spread his legs a little wider under the onslaught. His dick was really leaking now, twitching visibly. Nobody had ever done this to him before. To be frank, he hadn't even known that it was an option, but it sure felt good.
Alex looked up at Dustin's face briefly, sensing his conflict. "That's better," he whispered huskily. Taking Dustin's cock in one hand, moaning as he chewed out Dustin's ass, he stroked Dustin's cock, running his thumb over the weeping tip.
"You're so fucking hot, Dustin..."
Alex got up on the couch on top of Dustin... positioning himself for a 69. "Roll over, baby," he said softly, taking Dustin's sac in his teeth for a moment.
Dustin leaned back, then thrust forward, not knowing which way to move. He could feel the heat of his excitement licking up his balls and knew he was going to come soon. His eyes drooped closed again as he felt Alex mouthing him, and he scooted down until he was fully supported by the couch.
He rolled his head from side to side as the tide of pleasure built, and found that his head had fetched up against Alex's groin. He started back as he suddenly realized that he was nuzzling a stiff cock.
Alex kept tonguing Dustin hard as he stroked his cock. "Oh, baby... my sweet baby... let me take you..."
He leaned forward slightly, taking Dustin's cock into his mouth and played with his balls with his other hand. Running a finger along Dustin's crack, he sucked him, his tongue lapping over Dustin's head and shaft.
He strained his own hips back and down, wanting Dustin to take his cock... to give himself up...
"Come on, baby... give it to me, give it up..."
Dustin froze. He didn't want to say or do anything that might sound like assent. He knew that if he were to consent, to say yes, that he would have given in, and yet it felt so good. He stared wild-eyed at Alex, knowing that he had to do something, but not knowing quite what. The pulse and tingle of his cock was driving him mad.
Alex whispered lustily, "Take it, Dustin... take it..." Hoping and praying... silently urging Dustin to see how easy it was to relent, he looked at the other man and remembered belatedly that this was his first time. Go a little easy on him, Alex, he told himself, as he continued his encouragement.
Saying, "Please, Dustin..." he kept on licking, sucking, and fondling him.
It was all too much. Dustin tentatively put out his tongue and touched it to the head of Alex's cock, prepared to be revolted. He tasted the bead of liquid that hung there, and a shiver went through him. Somehow, the maleness and musk was arousing. He didn't stop to analyze things, he groaned, then sighed and opened his lips to take the purple tip into his mouth.
Alex moaned softly as his double hesitated a moment, then licked him. He felt he was on a precipice and soon enough he'd know whether he was going to keep control or whether he'd overbalanced and would be over the edge. "That's it, baby... see... it won't bite... no... Oh baby..."
He took Dustin's balls into his mouth, sucking and nibbling at them, and adding a few sharper nips. He blew hot air over them, and dove for his cock once more. Finding the engorged head, he latched onto it with his lips and drew him in deep.
Taking his lead from Alex, Dustin tried clumsily to copy, his fingers moving to hold onto Alex's cock as he explored it with his mouth. It was satin beneath his lips, and much, much larger than he had imagined. The taste of it was at once salty and a little bitter, and Alex made very satisfying groaning sounds when Dustin swirled a tentative tongue around the crown.
"Oh... yeah... mmm..." Even though Dustin was obviously unpracticed, the fact that he had taken his cock alone was enough to arouse Alex to new heights. Some precome dripped into Dustin's mouth. He wondered how he'd take that, and then reminded himself he wasn't supposed to care, though, unnervingly, he did.
Alex continued to palm Dustin's balls, as he mouthed his way down Dustin's cock, licking the ridge, then going back up and swallowing the head. Keeping Dustin's cock in his mouth, he used his tongue to caress that ridge of flesh between the head and shaft.
"Please..." gasped Dustin and bucked forward as he felt the tightness in his thighs that heralded the final race towards orgasm. He swallowed nervously and took Alex into his own mouth, sucking him in until he thought that he might choke, but needing to do this, or scream.
Alex had an arm around Dustin's torso, hugging him tightly, thrusting slightly at Dustin's mouth, trying to hold back the words that would let Dustin know how just good it was.
Alex took a finger, wetting it in his mouth, and slowly caressed Dustin's rosebud with it... lazily, just to see what Dustin would do.
Dustin had begun to grow a little more confident as he felt Alex move under his ministrations. He used his hands to grip Alex's ass, in mimicry of what the other man had done to him, pulling his cheeks apart as he kneaded his buttocks. The sensation of the fingers on his own anus was strange, but good. He attempted to mirror it, unsure how well he was managing to do it.
Alex moaned softly, in spite of himself. "Oh, yes, Dustin... yes... oh, you do me so well..."
As he felt Dustin stroke his buttocks and then his anus, he felt his balls drawing up to his body. It felt good, hot... he nipped at Dustin's ass cheeks as he continued to stroke his rim, slowly yet firmly.
"You're so fucking tight, Dustin..."
Dustin could feel Alex's cock slipping into his throat, deeper and deeper until he thought that he was going to gag. He was so aroused that it didn't seem to matter any more. He spread his legs wide and moaned.
Alex grinned around Dustin's cock. Oh yeah... he was his boy now. He felt powerful again, back on top, so to speak. He pressed his finger into Dustin's asshole, slowly at first... then a bit more firmly as he felt resistance. "Easy, Dustin... Only hurts a little..."
It was all building inside Dustin now, lust sparking through him as he bucked, unable to stop himself. Something that Alex was doing felt so good he thought he might have to scream.
Alex tongued Dustin's cock harder, and added another finger to Dustin's asshole. Reaching with them for Dustin's prostate... where was it... THERE! He found it!
"Oh, Dustin... Dustin..." Dustin's mouth on his cock was driving him mad and he thrust into it, gasping.
Dustin now had most of Alex's dick down his throat, and he was sucking hard. There was no finesse, he'd never done this before, but he didn't care any more. When Alex touched his magic button, he had to keep himself from biting down on the other man's erection. He choked.
Alex paused when Dustin choked. He pulled out slightly, but he couldn't help himself from thrusting back almost immediately. It felt too good. He decided if Dustin could take this, he'd give him some kind of reward. He yelped a little.
"Oh... Dustin... I'm about to come right down your throat! Oh, baby... you're being *so* good... so good."
Wanting more; wanting everything, Dustin no longer cared what was good and what was not. He couldn't hold back. He could feel himself climbing up towards orgasm; his balls bunched tight up against his body. Alex's voice was making no sense to him, other than as a husky, soothing sound that brushed his skin. All he wanted now was to come.
Alex sucked harder at Dustin, wanting him to come in his mouth. He probed at Dustin's prostate madly with his finger, trying to urge him to climax. "Come for me, come with me, baby... I want to drink you..."
He felt Dustin's balls tensing and his cock throb. He smiled, and flicked his tongue to Dustin's cock, catching the head of it. He took it fully into his mouth again, swirling his tongue around the head and probing the slit lightly.
The taste of Alex's cock was salt and sweet at the same time, and Dustin was past the point of no return. He could feel the bubbling along it that signaled the approach of climax, and he could feel Alex sucking on him, melting him. He gasped, then groaned, and everything locked up.
Alex thrust fiercely at Dustin, balls feeling tight as pool balls. His ass started the familiar pre-cum flexion.
"Oh, Dustin... you ready for me, baby?"
Shouting out around the hard cock in his mouth, Dustin could no longer hold himself back. He squeezed himself into Alex, willing it all to pour out. Alex sucked at Dustin, swallowing every drop as the other man came. He felt Dustin clutching at his ass cheeks convulsively as he spread his legs and plunged himself as far down that delicious throat as he could get, groaning as he too felt himself on the edge.
"Oh, Dustin... you taste so good... so good baby..." It didn't seem to matter to him anymore if Dustin knew he loved it... his mind was gone, anyway. He bucked and thrust, moaning and yelping as he squirted into Dustin's mouth.
Everything was tingling for Dustin as his orgasm rocked him. Somewhere in the distance, fuzzily, he could taste Alex as the assassin spurted bitter juice onto his tongue, but he no longer cared. He felt powerful as Alex writhed and squirmed.
Dustin tasted sweet and tangy and sour and a little bit bitter. Alex wasn't surprised by the bitterness... he'd been there, too. Licking every drop and sucking at Dustin for more, he cried out, "More, Dustin... more, please!"
He felt at Dustin's mercy, writhing above him, tonguing his cock for more, rubbing his prostate. Dustin could make him happy if he showed he was enjoying it...
"You've gotta be joking," gasped Dustin, his chest heaving. "It's your turn now. Give it up."
Alex gasped, and turned his head, resting it on Dustin's thigh. Trying to catch his breath, he breathed, "Give what up, Dustin?"
Tentatively pressing his thumb against Alex's ass, Dustin was lost in the memory of the pleasure he'd been given by Alex, just a few minutes previously. His mind was trying to process it all, but it was so difficult. He shivered.
Not quite being able to tell Dustin he had feelings for him, though he wanted to, Alex gasped. He pressed against Dustin's thumb... then thought about it. Did he really mean it? Could Dustin possibly care for him, too? "Why are you doing that, Dustin?"
As Dustin began to come down from the frenzy of a few minutes before, the cold realization of what he'd done, and worse, what he was still doing came home to him.
"I..." he was confused. "I don't know." he whispered, and turned his head away.
Dustin was feeling very unsure. His world was suddenly upside down, no longer the safe place it had once been. He needed something. He wanted to be held; to be told that he wasn't sick for doing this with another man. He looked up at Alex, accusingly. "You made me do this."
Alex turned away, saddened as he felt the other slip from his grasp, then wondering if it had been an illusion, anyway.
"Dustin... Dustin my sweet one. I told you I'd never hurt you..." He wanted to love Dustin now, hold him tight and never let anyone or anything else touch him again. To protect him, comfort him. To be loved by him, for himself - for who he was, not what he did.
More than anything, he wanted to release this man from his past.
More questions bombarded his brain. And will that free you yourself, Alex?
Is it all so altruistic as you'd like to think? Who will you be freeing more?
He shook his head, trying to silence the doubts, but they continued to clamor. Truth is, you just want something in your life you can control. You just want - "
Alex closed his eyes and opened them again as he clenched and released a fist.
Alex looked at Dustin. "No... I didn't make you do this. I helped you decide to want to do it." Coming down now, he was ready to step back into the role of teacher/protector/dominant. "I freed you to do it. Don't you see? It was all right because I said so. And you knew that."
He turned Dustin's head with a finger on his chin so he was looking at him. "And you wanted that," he added softly.
Cold shivers ran the length of Dustin's spine. He wasn't sure he could live with that answer, even though deep within him, he knew that it had the ring of truth. He sought refuge in anger. He'd made his mind up that tonight he was going to go out and get himself stinking drunk if he could. Alcohol was safe. If he had enough, he'd smile and forget... His face went slack. In his mind he had already withdrawn.
Alex sensed his withdrawal. God knew he did it himself often enough - he knew that look. "Dustin. Don't leave... please... come back. You'll only hurt yourself now. You're so... fragile." He didn't want to hurt Dustin, or let him self-destruct. Ironically his drinking, which Dustin considered an escape, was actually a prison of his own making... with walls that were ever closing in.
"Talk to me," he said softly.
"You want it all, don't you?" Dustin was suddenly right there, and fury blazed from the green eyes, so like Alex's own. "Why can't you leave me something?" His voice broke, and he lapsed into silence, still glaring a challenge at the man who was goading him so successfully.
Alex looked at Dustin sadly. He felt hurt, somehow, though he'd known Dustin wouldn't be an easy nut to crack...
"You have something, Dustin... you have it all, too."
Look around, urged Alex, soundlessly. I'm right here... you have me, too... If only he could say that to Dustin... Well, fuck, why can't you? he asked himself.
Gazing steadily into those angry eyes, the answer came.
Because he's immature yet. Total devotion scares him...
"Dustin, you... you have everything," was all he could say.
The furious Dustin held up his hand, and began itemizing on his fingers the things that were making him so angry.
"Okay, tell me what I have? Self respect? Nope. You pretty much took that one away. Can I sleep at night? Not any more. I'm afraid all the time. I'm scared of what's going to happen to me. That's all I have. What are you getting out of this, Alex?" He stepped in against Krycek, invading the man's body space as he stood, so close that he could feel the puff of Alex's breath as he gasped. It seemed that Alex wasn't used to having his victims turn the tables on him.
Alex stepped back until he fell back to sit on the couch. He was stunned. Did Dustin really not know? Or maybe he just didn't care... Please, God, don't let him be so blind...
"I... Dustin... don't you get it...?"
Please, Dustin... see that I'm bleeding for you... see that I want you to want me back...
He looked at Dustin, eyes revealing all. He wore no mask now.
Dustin laughed sourly.
"Get it? I get that you're making me do things. That's what I get." He slowly relaxed his aggressive stance, but then as Alex continued to stare at him with his heart in his eyes, he suddenly flushed and looked down.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he muttered.
Alex took Dustin's hand gingerly, rubbing the back of it with his thumb as he stared into emerald eyes that matched his own. He spoke softly. "Dustin. You're still on top. And that treatment for the WB you want them to take? I can make them take it for you." Surely Dustin could read him, see his need.
"First the carrot..." said Dustin, sarcastically. He reached to fondle Alex's cock. "Then the stick, right, Alex?"
Alex gasped as Dustin touched him. Could he be dreaming?
"Now what?" said Dustin, puzzled. He looked at Alex, raising an eyebrow in mute inquiry.
Alex looked at Dustin, confused himself.
"What do you mean, Dustin?"
"What do I mean?" Dustin snorted. "I mean that you want something from me, and you just take it. You force me to give it. It doesn't matter what I want. All I ever wanted was to have a good time. What's so wrong with that?" He was mad again, and looked delicious, his face flushed with the blood of anger, and his eyes glowing with righteous indignation.
"Dustin... baby..." Alex pulled Dustin closer, slipping an arm around his waist, looking at him with ... love? "Don't I please you... Dustin? Make you happy? Make you forget?"
Dustin subsided, his anger swiftly vanquished by the confusion he was feeling.
"You care, don't you?" he said in wondering tones. "It's not just a game is it?" There was desperate need in his voice. "Is it?"
Slipping his hands around Dustin's shoulders Alex pulled Dustin down to him, kissing him urgently, his mouth drinking in his warm spicy scent as he nipped his neck and ears.
"God, yes, I need you... you free me, too... do you see that now? The way you free me?" He kissed Dustin hungrily. "Not a game. Never."
Dustin sank himself into the kiss. He wasn't sure why, but he believed this man. He suddenly felt warm inside.
Alex pulled Dustin closer, kissing him fervently.
Slowly, Dustin brought his arms up to put them around Alex, sliding one hand up to cup the back of his head and hold his mouth in position.
Alex gasped, twining his tongue around Dustin's. "Oh, Dustin... you... you care for me too?" he asked, tentatively. But could he really, truly, after that?
He hugged Dustin to him and gazed into his eyes and a thought straight from the dark recesses of his mind sneered, 'You know you're just dying to slam him against a wall and fuck him rough...'
Alex kissed Dustin's nose, and smiled a bit, telling himself, Maybe next time. There *will* be a next time, won't there?
"You care? I don't understand." Dustin snuggled in closer, trying to determine by touch whether this beautiful, frightening man was sincere or not. "I just need something to believe in."
Alex stroked his face. "You can believe in me... in my ..." He wanted to say 'in my love for you,' but just couldn't.. "You can believe I will always care for you, always take care of you..."
Dustin put his hands on Alex's face, laying his palms flat on the other man's cheeks. "There's something... What aren't you telling me?" Leaning in, he searched Alex's face intently, as though by doing so he would be able to divine his true intentions. "Why do you want to take care of me? What's in it for you?"
Alex searched Dustin's face right back, trying to tell him everything with his eyes, the pain, the loneliness, the guilt and fear and hope.
"I... told you. I... need you. You... to me... you're everything..."
And you would free me too... get me away from my life, away from HIM...Alex realised.
"This is all so weird." Dustin hung his head, lowered it against Alex's shoulder, feeling the warmth of the man beneath the thin T-shirt that he wore. It was somehow reassuring. He leaned against Alex.
Alex sounded hopeful. "Good weird, Dustin?" He held Dustin close. "Dustin... oh, Dustin." He waited tensely.
The close contact was comforting. Dustin relished the warmth of the hard male body pressed so close to his. "Dunno. The jury's still out on what kind of weird." He turned his head slowly and leaned forward again, pressing his lips to Alex.
Alex grinned and kissed back, cupping Dustin's face in his palm. At least he wasn't running... 'But he will' came that awful voice again.
He leaned back to lie down on the couch, taking Dustin with him, kissing his hair. "I... I lo..."
He'll leave if you tell him, Alex. Don't be dumb! Alex told himself fiercely, shaking his head as if to clear it. He'll never love you. Who are you trying to kid?
Dustin froze, and jerked back.
"You...?"
Alex bit his lip scared Dustin would bolt if he'd guessed.
He looked at Dustin in alarm.
It's not that hard. 'I love you, Dustin.' You can say it, he reassured himself. He sighed. He had to tell him... But what if he froze because he was afraid I'd say that? What if it makes him run? What if it's all a game to him?
He lowered his eyelashes, and then looked back up, too quickly.
Dustin shook his head. Something wasn't quite right. He didn't understand, and he'd been through a whole lot of stress today.
"Please?" he said, just wanting to stop playing games for once in his life.
Alex sighed. Tried again. "I love ---"
Couldn't.
Closing his eyes again, Dustin burrowed in against Alex's neck, feeling the pulse there under his cheek. He licked at Alex's chin.
Alex whispered, "I love ---"
The words wouldn't come. I can't tell him - I can't, he thought desperately. He'll leave. No, he'll bolt. He'll have been gone five minutes ago.
He swallowed again, never taking his gaze from Dustin. But how do you know? he argued. Looks like he wants you too...
Alex shook his head to clear his mind.
"You love? What's the big secret, Alex?" Dustin's voice was light. He wasn't even sure if he'd heard the other man correctly. He was sure he didn't want to make a fool of himself by misinterpreting what he'd said. Far better to wait for confirmation.
Alex held Dustin close. He kissed his hair, and his ear. He pulled Dustin closer still and kissed and licked the hair at the nape of Dustin's neck, scratching it lightly.
He buried his nose and mouth against Dustin's neck to muffle the words, "I love you, Dustin..."
Now, if he bolts, I can cover myself...he thought nervously.
There was a pause, and then Dustin gave a sigh of relief that he swiftly turned into a snort of irritation.
"You've got a fucking horrible way of showing it," he complained. "Do you know how scared you made me?" He clung to Alex, running his hands over the assassin's back beneath the T-shirt, drawing a finger down the straps that held his prosthetic arm in place.
Alex relaxed noticeably, surprised, relieved, not quite believing.
He smiled as he felt Dustin caressing him.
He laughed nervously, holding Dustin close. "I did? I... I guess... I didn't mean to scare you. I... couldn't let you go though. Couldn't let you get hurt."
Dustin had slowly begun to relax a little now that he realized Alex wasn't going to kill him, fuck him with his gun or something equally unpleasant.
"Jeez. Next time, you could bring a bunch of roses, or take me out to dinner or something. You don't have to... to coerce me. Just be nice."
Alex stroked Dustin's hair softly. "I meant it when I said I'd never hurt you..." He kissed his neck and ear. "I only want to make you happy."
Dustin peeped shyly at him from below thick fans of lash. "You know what would make me happy right now?" he asked with a grin.
Likewise looking up from beneath his lashes, Alex smiled indulgently. "What?" he asked, running through some possibilities in his mind. Going to a club, I bet... he loves that... Or a hug... I know he loves those, but I am hugging him... Or... a warm bed? Together?
His smile widened, and an answering smile spread over Dustin's face. "A steak, and an ice-cold beer," he said, shortly. He drooled at the thought of it. "Wanna go get one? We could bring it home and watch the game...or something."
"That's the best idea I've heard in a long time. Let's go, then! But ... who chooses the brand of beer?" Alex chuckled.
Dustin gave Alex a veiled look through his lashes trying his hardest to look like an appealing puppy dog in a store window. 'We can get two kinds, can't we? Like I said, I've got money."
Alex kissed Dustin's nose. "All right, my pe - my love. That's true. You do... But... maybe I want to treat you!"
"So treat me." The voice was soft and intimate, and Dustin pulled Alex down to kiss him, slowly and thoroughly.
Alex said huskily, "I'll treat you, all right." He devoured that sweet mouth with his own, never wanting the kiss to end. He played with Dustin's neck, imagining how good he'd look wearing the dog collar he had bought for him.
Dustin giggled.
Alex thought of dog biscuits to go with the collar... catching a mental image of Dustin in his collar with the biscuits. He couldn't help but laugh.
"So... remember your present, Dustin?"
The return to suspicion was instant, as though Alex had flicked a switch within Dustin's mind.
"My present?"
Alex blinked. "Remember - what I gave you? Wait, why are you so nervous again?"
"That fucking dog collar? That what you mean?" There was anger in Dustin's voice again.
Alex stroked his face lovingly. "Easy, pet... love. Easy." He kissed Dustin again. "It's still me. Did you like the collar? You can tell me if you liked it or not... how did you feel when you saw it?"
"Liked it?" Dustin was incredulous. "You wanted to humiliate me. What's to like?"
Alex looked at him, still stroking his hair lazily. "Why do you think I wanted to do that, Dustin? You don't humiliate the ones you love..." Oh yes, you do, sometimes, remembered Alex.
"Oh, hell, Alex. I don't know if I like it or not." The voice was plaintive now as Dustin considered possibilities that had never occurred to him before. "I don't understand any of this. You'd better explain it to me in words of one syllable. But first, feed me. I'm starving."
Alex stood up, feeling the collar in his pocket. "Okay, pe - love. Let's go get in that shiny convertible of yours and - Jack's Chicken Shack?" He arched a brow.
There was a moment's pause, and then Dustin punched him on the shoulder, grinning.
"Fuck off!"
"Yeah? Hmm... We could do that when we get back..." Alex said, grinning an evil grin right back.
Alex kissed Dustin lightly on the cheek, and grabbed his leather jacket. He looked at Dustin with a mischievous twinkle and headed for the car, getting into the driver's seat.
"Hey, you're in my place." Dustin shook his head at Alex. "Come on, man. That's my car."
Alex smiled. "Flip a coin for it?"
Fumbling in his pocket for loose change, Dustin felt himself tense up. He hoped that Alex wasn't going to take over everything in his life the way that Minnow had. He produced a quarter, and held it out. "Call," he said.
"Heads."
The coin span in the air, and dropped, a silver tinkle on the sidewalk. As Dustin and Alex leaned to read the way it had fallen, their heads collided with a sharp sound. Dustin saw stars.
Alex caught Dustin in his arms. "Ouch," he said. "Are you okay? It's okay. Here, let me help you." Alex got up and moved to help Dustin into the driver's seat. "If you can still drive," he chuckled. "I was just playing with you." In his heart he knew he wasn't, however. Something inside demanded he dominate, impose his will on this man.
There was a pause, and Dustin sighed with relief. Whatever Alex was, he wasn't like Minnow. Dustin didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad. He turned to study the man sitting beside him, really looking at him for perhaps the first time. After a minute, he raised a hand to touch his cheek. "Who are you, Alex? What are you doing here, with me?"
Alex smiled, and took Dustin's hand. "I'm... I'm a pawn - or, no, a reluctant knight in a real world game of Risk." He grinned, and laughed. Then his face and tone grew dark. "I'm your wildest dream, and your worst nightmare. I'm what you fear you will become but hunger for, as a man lost in a desert hungers for water. Always one step ahead, just out of reach..." Alex wondered which of them he was describing, though.
Dustin smiled at that. "My worst nightmare, huh? And all this time, I thought it was Stallone. I'm hungering for a steak at the moment." His face sobered then. He didn't want to sound callous. Alex seemed at least as tormented as he did.
"You scare me, Alex," he said, frankly.
Alex smiled back. "I scare a lot of people. Even myself." He shivered a little, and got into the passenger's side of Dustin's Jaguar. He zipped his jacket against the sudden chill the night had developed.
As Dustin let out the clutch, he wondered just what he was letting himself in for with this man who looked so much like he did, but who was so much colder and more tempered. The short drive to the deli on Sunset was performed in silence, each man busy with his own thoughts.
When Dustin parked the car, Alex looked over at him. He wondered about this more innocent version of himself, who yet had the same cunning and ruthlessness. The same focus on power.
As they entered the restaurant, Dustin was busy shooting covert glances at his companion. He felt nervous, edgy, unsure what he would be required to do for this man who he'd already seen had such a dark side. His belly gave a rumble that was plainly audible in the quiet of the bar. "I guess we have to eat soon, Alex," he grinned.
Alex looked at Dustin. "Ooh, he has a lean and hungry look... I'll feed you as soon as I can, luv." Soon enough a waitress seated them at a table and asked what they wanted. Alex looked at her. "Steak, bloody as hell. Still breathing." He looked at Dustin.
"Yeah, wipe its ass, drive it in here, and I'll show you the piece I want you to cut out," grinned Dustin, almost succumbing to a fit of the giggles as he met Alex's eyes. He felt light headed, as though something very different was going to happen... hell, it already had, hadn't it?
Alex laughed at Dustin's efforts to stay serious. He looked at the waitress. "Yeah, yeah. Just bring it on over." The waitress grinned and said, "Two steak dinners, bloody as hell." She sighed and went to give the order to the kitchen. Alex grinned at Dustin. "We're alike in yet another way."
When the food finally arrived, Dustin fell upon it, tearing into the steak as though he hadn't eaten for days. From the corner of his eye, he could see Alex's white teeth flash as he did likewise. By the time he'd finished his meal, and drunk his half of a bottle of Beaujolais, he was feeling wonderful.
"Ah, that was great," Alex smiled as he finished his last bite. "Nothing like a little tender, raw flesh..." His lips pulled back slightly and he looked predatory again for a moment. Just as quickly, it was gone. He took a drink and looked into Dustin's eyes. "So," he said.
Dustin leaned back, sighing with sybaritic content. "Now what?" he replied. I'm feeling wonderful. Wanna take in a club, or what?"
Alex wondered where Dustin's head was. What he was thinking. "You ever go to... bondage clubs, Dustin?"
"Bondage clubs? I never..." Dustin looked at Alex mistrustfully. "You mean where they tie people up and hit them with whips? Why would I want to go to a place like that?" He giggled, but his laughter sounded strained.
Alex smiled. "Why, so you can be freed," Alex said. "You might be surprised at who hangs out at some of those places." He felt himself getting hard, imagining taking Dustin to such a club. He belonged to several private groups, but he would start out in the "mainstream." Bondage light as he thought of it.
"I might be surprised at me hanging out there," Dustin responded. "You keep on saying that, about being free. I don't understand."
Alex smiled. "It's... sometimes difficult for a beginner to grasp. How can I say... when you give yourself to someone... then you have no more worries and troubles? It's out of your control, so you have no responsibility, or blame."
The thought sent a shiver through Dustin's frame. "Have you ever done that? Given yourself to someone like that?"
Krycek looked away. "I..." His eyes turned hard. "I sold my soul long ago. I used to be so like you... yes, I have."
Dustin's eyes flew to Alex's face at that. "Who? How did you? Why...?" As the questions bubbled up, he could feel himself becoming hard inside his fine, silk pants. The thought of surrender was somehow right, and he wanted to hear about it from the mouth of this other self. He leaned forward.
He cast his mind back to what seemed a lifetime ago. He had known nothing then; only the desire for power, and the need to have it all.
"It was a man I met in Russia," he said at length. "I had... messed up, and been thrown into a gulag. I had a cellmate, a former great politician who had information on a subversive group that both the prison guards and the old folks at home wanted to know. They knew he had certain... proclivities. At first I was only using him. But, gradually... the lines became blurred."
He looked away, biting his lip at the memory of the man's eventual fate. "But with me it wasn't always sex, Dustin. Sometimes it was my soul..."
"You... you're a spy? Dustin had heard only a little of the other man's soul-baring confession. He shook his head, unable to shake the images of Alex, on his hands and knees, giving in to who-knew-what vices to please a faceless lover who towered over him. Something inside Dustin wanted to follow on - to learn as Alex had done.
Alex sipped his wine. "You know better than to ask me that, Dustin." But he nodded almost imperceptibly as he said it. He closed his eyes, remembering being made to suck Sergei's cock as the man told him the secrets of his group. Of being whipped. And tied up. Was he doing right?
He met Dustin's eyes.
Dustin shrugged. What Krycek was didn't somehow seem as important as what he could teach him. He hung his head as he groped for the proper... the only thing to say. At last the words came to him. He lifted his head, his eyes glowing with the rightness, the exactness of what he was expressing.
"Teach me, please."
Alex gasped. Had Dustin just... could it be this easy? He gazed hard into Dustin's eyes, taking the leather collar from his jacket pocket. "Are you sure this is what you want? Do you promise to obey me and trust me?"
A cold sweat broke over Dustin. Is that what he wanted? He licked suddenly dry lips. Yes. It was. Slowly, he lowered his head until he was bowed before Alex like a martyr. "I trust you. I believe that you are all I'll ever need."
Krycek smiled, and brought out the collar. He slowly put it around Dustin's bent neck, fastening the buckle. He lifted Dustin's head and stroked his face. "Do you know how pleased I am to hear that... pet?"
The thrill that went though Dustin's stomach at those words was beyond description. He knew that he had taken an irrevocable step. He raised his eyes to look at Alex, and his body tingled. "I... I wanted to please you."
"You did, Dustin... you really did."
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