The Game 64
Edited by Karen Leigh
As he turned into the cafeteria, Ryan wondered why he was embarrassed and tried to figure out how to get over those feelings. They made Luke uncomfortable from the look of things, and the android had enough on his plate without Ryan adding to it.
Faced with an array of sweets and pastries, memories flooded his awareness. "I wonder if they have tiramisu," he murmured, watching Luke from the corner of his eye.
The word, strange yet familiar, caused a reaction in Luke and he felt his own core temperature rise a few degrees. His mind replayed the image of Ryan raising a spoon of something sweet to his lips. "Ryan!" He grabbed Ryan's hand excitedly at the unexpected flash of memory. "You assisted me in the consumption of tiramisu!"
Ryan grinned at the enthusiasm Luke showed as he nodded in affirmation. Right then, Luke seemed almost normal -- his zest for life was back in full force.
"I certainly did, Luke. I asked what you wanted, never expecting you to say that you wanted to be fed tiramisu." Glancing at his happily smiling companion, Ryan added, "by me."
Inspired and determined to relax and treat Luke as he would if the android recalled their relationship more fully, Ryan gestured to the chocolate selections and asked, "So what'll it be today, Luke?"
Luke smiled widely. "Today I would like you to feed me tiramisu, Ryan. I enjoyed it very much when you did it before. I can still remember--" He paused when another image replayed in his head, this one even more pleasant than being fed delicious things by his friend. "I would also like you to kiss me, Ryan," he grinned.You've kissed me before and that tasted better than anything."
Ryan rapidly scanned the selections; breathing a sigh of relief that tiramisu was one of them. Putting a hefty slab on his tray along with a sandwich and coffee for himself, Ryan considered the requests.
Smiling sheepishly, he glanced around the cafeteria, muttering, "I can feed you in here, I guess."
"Thank you, Ryan," Luke said softly. He was enjoying the flickers of memory as they replayed in his head. Encouraged, and wanting more, he decided he would ask another Mac27 for assistance at a later time. It wouldn't be the one he'd first spoken to, that was for sure. He didn't like David, though he couldn't quite put his finger on why. "Thank you," he repeated, determined to regain his lost memories so Ryan would have his friend back.
The little voice in his head, silenced for the most part after he and Luke had consummated their relationship, was back suddenly.
How bad can it be, Ryan? There are a bunch of what look to be couples in here. However, his natural reticence with regard to his first experience with a male demanded a caveat. "But I like more privacy for my kissing. Is ... ah ... is that okay with you?"
"Yes, Ryan," Luke said happily, "I remember tiramisu and kissing and I like them very much. I will do whatever you ask if it means I can have them both whenever I like."
Whenever? Oh boy! You're in it now, Ryan!
He stopped, unsure if he was being too demanding. "If you wish for me to have them whenever I like."
Ryan opened his mouth to reply only to find that he had no idea what to say. For some reason he didn't care to explore too deeply, a flippant rejoinder seemed inappropriate and an acknowledgment that he didn't know what he wanted was far too telling. This Luke, who wasn't Luke, was confusing.
Nah, Ryan, That's too pat. You're confused, but it's you, not him.
Damn internal voices! Always cropping up at the most inopportune times.
He followed Ryan to a table and sat down next to him, moving as close to him as possible. Looking around the room, he noted the other couples then dismissed them, turning his full attention back to Ryan. He liked being close to him because it felt somehow familiar and comforting. It also felt like something he wasn't entirely able to control.
"The more time I spend with you, the closer I want to be to you, Ryan," he said matter-of-factly. "If this is not okay with you, please tell me."
Realizing that his mouth was open once again only when Luke placed some tiramisu in it, Ryan closed it, chewed, swallowed and tentatively smiled.
This was someone who cared about him. The revelation was all the more telling because he wasn't Luke as Ryan remembered him. That Luke, he was coming to understand, no longer existed. But the android who was looking at him so earnestly did. And he made Ryan feel ... unique in a room full of guys who looked like him.
"It's more than okay, Luke," he finally managed. "I'd be disappointed if you felt any other way."
Mustering a sheepish grin, Ryan added, "We'll just need to go through the getting to know each other phase again." With a frown, he warned, "Just don't get any funny ideas about decanting into a female form this time, okay?"
Luke tilted his head and gave Ryan a puzzled look. "Why would I want to do that? I like my present form."
Ryan smiled in relief. This attitude was, in his opinion, a vast improvement.
He tried to think of the reasons why the real Luke (which is how he was beginning to think of who he must have been before he lost his memory) would have wanted to become a female. Ryan had kissed him. He had the memory to prove it. That meant that Ryan found Luke's present form to be satisfactory. "You like my present form as well," he continued, "so there is no reason for me to change." He smiled. "You have my word I won't get any funny ideas, Ryan."
Ryan laughed and found himself with another mouthful of tiramisu.
He spooned some more dessert into Ryan's mouth then looked at him hopefully. "Will you feed me now, Ryan? Then I will wait until we have some privacy before we kiss."
"Sure," Ryan murmured, chagrined as he picked up a fork. Not only had he promised to feed Luke, he'd be as big as a house in no time, if he ate desserts like Luke did. One of the benefits to an android life that Ryan, particularly his sweet tooth, envied.
After staring contentedly at Ryan for a few moments, Luke reached out his hand and touched the side of Ryan's face. "We don't have to get to know each other again. If you tell me what I was like before, I could act accordingly.
"No!" Ryan blurted.
"I want to please you, Ryan."
Faced with the android's quizzical stare, Ryan tried to explain the vehement reaction that had stunned even him. "I don't want you to ...it would be wrong ... it would seem funny ... no, more like taking advantage ..."
As he voice trailed off, Ryan looked pleadingly at Luke. Not surprisingly, Luke looked more confused than before. No mind-to-mind communication punctuated with a flash of understanding.
Remember what they say about things worth having, Ryan.
Sighing at the curse of having a pedantic voice echoing in the back of his mind, Ryan tried again. "I don't want you to act like I remember. The way I remember it wouldn't be what it meant to you ... what it was like for you. I don't want to dictate how you interact with me. That's too much power, Luke. It's wrong for all of the power in any ..."
Go on and say it, Ryan.
"In any relationship to reside with one of the participants. No," Ryan concluded with more conviction. "We'll get to know each other again, and you can decide how you want to proceed."
It surprised Ryan how hard, "If at all," was to append to his statement.
Luke had watched him as he spoke; listening carefully and doing his best not to interrupt him until he was sure Ryan was finished. When Ryan slowly brought a forkful of dessert to his lips, Luke knew that he could speak freely and address what had been said to him.
He smiled as he chewed, taking his time in gathering his thoughts as he swallowed, then gently held Ryan's wrist when he lifted the fork again. "I would like to tell you what I am thinking, Ryan. I would like you to understand."
"I'd like that, too," Ryan murmured, giving Luke his full attention.
Luke took a deep breath and wondered at how human he suddenly felt. But he knew he was far from being human and felt a slight twinge of jealousy at that. It soon passed and he again smiled brightly at Ryan.
"I like you very much, Ryan," he began, "and it's obvious to me that you like me as well. I am unable to access the memories I have about you, but I am hopeful that in time I will be able to do that. Right now, I feel as if... You are very new to me, but the longer I am with you, the more I know that you and I are not just friends. I can't explain it but it's...instinct. My instincts are telling me that I want to be close to you and protect you. I also want to know about you and do whatever I can to please you. I apologize if I'm not the Luke you knew and I would very much like to be him, but you have made yourself clear about not wanting to tell me what he was like."
Ryan wanted ... needed to speak, but words wouldn't come. Luke wasn't the only one who couldn't explain things at the moment.
He stopped and put a hand on Ryan's knee. "I also apologize if he would not have said or done what I am about to." God, that's nice. Damn it, Simms! What are you going to do?
There was a moment's hesitation then Luke leaned forward and pressed his lips to Ryan's. He pulled back slightly and lowered his voice. "I have access to enough data to know I love you, Ryan, no matter how brief a time I have known you. I believe there are remnants of the old Luke inside me and they are making me feel very loving towards you."
Ryan steadied himself before speaking. It was more difficult than he cared to admit to look at Luke and not get lost in those deep green eyes. That would come later, if at all.
"Please stop talking about the ... um ... old Luke like you're an inferior model. You're not. You're Luke in ... in all the ways that matter." Smiling slightly at the sentiment that Ryan didn't know he felt until he stated it aloud, he continued, "The memories will come or not. I'm not sure that it matters. To me, anyway. I ... I thought it did, but now ... No."
Shoveling a large bite of tiramisu into Luke's mouth, Ryan said, "For what it's worth, you would've done exactly what you just did, I think."
Confusion clouded Luke's expression.
"Before the wipe, I mean. Luke would've said those things, if he felt them. Maybe not so directly, but he would've expressed himself just as articulately. And kissing him opened my eyes to a lot of things."
Luke felt an excited buzz when Ryan said that he'd done what the old Luke would have. Maybe it wasn't going to be as hard as he'd feared to be what Ryan wanted. In the past few minutes, being exactly what Ryan wanted him to be had become very important. This was due to the fact that Luke was now convinced thatRyan was everything he wanted, without question. He also desperately wanted to ask exactly what things Ryan was talking about -- how did the old Luke open his eyes? -- but he simply took another bite of dessert and waited.
With a sigh, Ryan sheepishly admitted, "Now I'm doing it, talking about you as though you're two different people. Sorry. It's just hard to be clear if I refer to you as ... well, you all the time."
While considering what Ryan was saying, Luke looked down at the last bite of tiramisu on the plate and smiled happily when Ryan scooped it up and fed it to him. "That was very good. Thank you, Ryan."
"Welcome," Ryan murmured, appreciating the simple joy in Luke's expression.
He licked his lips and looked thoughtfully at Ryan. "You know," he said after a few moments, "in a way I am two different people to you. Would it make it easier for you to call me by another name? I wouldn't mind. I would like to make it easier for you to tell me more about the other Luke." He smiled hopefully then quickly added, "For instance, which things did he open your eyes to?"
Ryan considered Luke's questions for a few moments. The thought of calling Luke anything other than Luke hadn't occurred to him and he treated the suggestion with the utmost respect before deciding.
"You're Luke to me." Faced with a disappointed frown, Ryan explained, "If ... if I got hit in the head and lost some memories, I'd still be me. Ryan. And I wouldn't want anyone else deciding differently. So I guess I'd feel uncomfortable about doing that to you."
That got him a tentative smile. "I understand, Ryan," Luke nodded. "I will stay Luke then."
Hoping to build on that, Ryan decided to address Luke's second question. He leaned forward and took a deep breath.
"The eye opening thing was simple really. I'd never really thought about having a relationship with a guy before Luke. Before kissing Luke, I should say. Damn, you, I mean. Before kissing you. Sorry."
The expression that admission put on Luke's face made Ryan forget to be uncomfortable. He'd never seen Luke look that happy.
"You don't have to be sorry, Ryan. I know exactly what you mean and it makes me very happy." He put his arms around Ryan and hugged him gently. "I'd like to go back to our room," he said softly, kissing Ryan's cheek, "but only if you want to. What you've said to me is almost better than kissing, so I can wait for that if you choose to take me somewhere else."
Ryan pondered. Part of him wanted to know what the hell was going on, but if things were coming to a head as he suspected then time alone would be at a premium very soon.
Tightening his arms quickly before letting go, Luke regarded Ryan for a few moments, the urge to protect him growing inexplicably stronger. Furrowing his brow when he felt a stab of unexplained guilt, he reached for Ryan's hand.
"Have I ever caused you harm, Ryan?" he asked suddenly. "I feel guilt and the need to protect you because you've been hurt, but there is no additional data."
Ryan fixed his most encouraging smile on his face. "Not really, no. There was a ... misunderstanding. It's all in the past. We agreed to go forward and that's just what we should do."
He relaxed as the feeling passed, smiling again. "I'm sorry, but I think traces of my memories will continue to come back like this. I can wait to ask you about them when it's more convenient, if you prefer."
Standing and glancing toward the door, Ryan said, "Ask whenever you want to and I'll try to answer."
"Thank you," Luke said as he stood up and followed Ryan's glance. "Is everything all right?" He squeezed Ryan's hand automatically, ready to defend him if the need arose.
He smiled when he realized that he was still holding Luke's hand. A quick glance around the cafeteria didn't fill Ryan with a sense of urgency. It was as if people were waiting but he wasn't sure for what. Explanations and instructions wouldn't be bad, he thought.
Luke watched Ryan intently. He wanted to ask again if everything was all right, but he kept silent and waited until Ryan was ready to speak.
Remembering Luke's former talent for communication and how it had suffered when he'd been attacked, Ryan asked, "If we go back to our room, will you know if someone's getting ready to make any kind of announcement?"
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
| Back to Game page | Alex Annex | Characters | Stories/Alpha | Stories/Author | Home |
