Full Circle
by Frankie
Cory Raines/Alex Krycek | Rated NC-17 | 2003 | 12,523 words
WASHINGTON D.C. PRESENT DAY
How many years have I been wandering the face of this planet? Sometimes I forget, myself, but I know it's been long enough for me to have seen everything at least once. There isn't much that surprises me, anymore, and there aren't all that many things that that are memorable about most people. When something is, though, it makes me damn happy to be alive.
I'd decided to relocate to the great capital of these here United States. I wasn't looking for any kind of adventure, and I didn't really want to stick around for too long; settling down isn't ever going to be on my agenda. I was there to have fun and check out a few monuments. Hell, I'd been around when they were commissioned, planned and built, so I figured the next logical step was actually seeing them in person. The Washington Monument? Biggest tribute to the dick that I've ever seen. The Lincoln Memorial? Let's just say I've alway thought Honest Abe was sexy in a tall, quiet, powerful sort of way.
So, there I was, blending in with the tourists and playing the sightseer, when I thought it would be kind of fun to relieve some nice folks of their valuables. I've always had a soft spot for hold ups, but every now and then I liked to get in touch with the pure, simple perfection of pickpocketing.
My first lucky customer was a man who was most likely on vacation and pausing for a quiet moment of reflection at the foot of ol' Abe himself. The irony of Honest Abe looking down on me as I lifted Mr. Tourist's wallet wasn't lost on me. In fact, I kind of liked the idea of him tut-tutting at me while I flashed him a wad of ill-gotten cash.
Victim number two was a middle-aged woman who had been kind enough to leave her purse unzipped. Slipping my hand in and slipping her billfold out was as easy as taking a bullet and living to see another day.
After a few more successful dips into the pockets of the clueless, I came up behind a lone figure wearing a black leather jacket, well worn denim and a pair of boots that should have looked weathered and messy, but actually looked kind of sexy. As good as he looked from the back, there was no guarantee that the front would do anything for me. Still, there would be time for romance later, and the notion of picking something off him and then trying to hook up with him made me tingle. For the moment, though, what I wanted was to emancipate the wallet that was making a lovely outline in the back pocket of his equally lovely, ass-hugging jeans.
I walked up behind him, casual in my maneuvering, and was about to accomplish my task when he reached a hand back and grabbed my wrist.
"I'm sorry, is there something I can help you with?" The voice sounded familiar enough to distract me from the fact that I'd been caught. I didn't say anything, as if foolish enough to think that if I stayed quiet he'd forget I was there. The grip tightened and I gasped.
"Tell me who the hell you are or I break it." He paused and I heard a throaty chuckle that made a chill go down my spine. "Mind you, I might break it, anyway. I'm not a big fan of having my things stolen."
"You've got me all wrong," I finally said. "I was just checking out the memorial and I bumped into you. No need to get touchy about it."
I clapped him on the other arm in the hopes that he'd let go of my wrist. What I felt made me pull my hand back in surprise. The arm didn't give. I know that I've been around for a while and that I don't really know everything about the world, but I do know that when I pat someone's arm, it's supposed to feel...real. Still, there was always the possibility that the jacket had something to do with it, so I touched him again, holding his arm this time.
"Let go of me and I'll let go of you," he said, the menace in his voice cranked up a notch. I did as he said and was relieved when he freed my hand.
"You want to turn around?" I asked, feeling a little ridiculous to be having a stand off with a man who had his back to me.
"Yeah," he snorted, starting to turn around, "I want to see the asshole who--"
The surprise in his eyes was nothing compared to what I was feeling. I almost grabbed at him to stop from falling to the ground. It wasn't possible that I was seeing what I thought I seeing.
"Tom?"
BUTTE, MONTANA 18--
"Tom?" Cory stumbled out of the bed he'd shared with his partner for the last four months and made his way outside. He yawned and scratched his belly as he squinted into the early morning sunlight.
"Tom?" he called, grinning widely when a familiar figure made his way from the direction of the outhouse.
"Hey, you're up," Tom smiled, sprinting up to Cory and pulling him into a tight embrace. "I thought you were going to sleep the day away."
Cory's arms went around Tom's neck and he kissed him softly. "What time is it?"
"Almost seven."
Laughing quietly, Cory leaned against the strong body. "You're lucky you're so handsome," he grinned, kissing the side of Tom's neck. "I wouldn't put up with this early bird shit from anyone else."
"Of course I'm handsome," Tom said matter-of-factly. "I look like you."
"Ah, flattery," Cory sighed, scraping his stubbled cheek against Tom's, "that's just the thing I need to make me happy. Well, that and you." Smiling, he pulled back and took Tom's hands in his. "Do you hear that?"
Tom tilted his head and seemed to be listening. "I think I do."
"Creek's calling?"
"Creek's calling," Tom agreed, laughing as he yanked on Cory's hand and took off running. "Last one in has to make breakfast!" he called over his shoulder.
"Hope you like cold beans and corncakes!" Cory shouted as he took off after him.
"That's just fine with me, partner," Tom laughed, darting between the trees down the familiar path to the water. "You know I'm going to end up helping out, anyway."
"You're damned confident for such a pretty man," Cory shouted. "You're lucky I don't make you stay in the kitchen all day."
"I'd like to see you try!" Cory finally caught up with Tom just as they reached the water's edge, and giggling breathlessly, grabbed hold of him and went splashing into the cool water. When they emerged, sputtering and still laughing, Tom pulled Cory into a crushing embrace and kissed the parted lips.
"I love you," he whispered after a while, touching his forehead to Cory's. "I kinda think I always will."
WASHINGTON D.C. PRESENT DAY
"Who's Tom?" The stranger narrowed his eyes at me. "For that matter, who the hell are you?"
I licked dry lips and tried to get a hold of myself. There was no possible way the man standing in front of me could be Tom, yet there he was. My Tom, standing there and looking at me as if I'd lost my mind.
"We look alike," I finally said, inanely.
"Yeah, I noticed that."
"You look exactly like someone I used to know."
"I look exactly like you," he snapped. "I really doubt that you could meet another lookalike in one lifetime."
He was right about that. The man I'd met had lived a few lifetimes ago. Amazingly enough, I hadn't thought it too strange when we'd met, but this... The thing about the stranger before me wasn't the fact he was my double; he was the twin of someone I'd loved.
"Was the guy's name Tom?" I blinked at him, still trying to reconcile the fact that the man in front of me wasn't the same one I'd known all those years ago. Physically I knew it was impossible; Tom hadn't been an immortal. That didn't stop me from almost convincing myself it was him, though.
"Would you like to get a drink or something?" I asked with a smile.
"I guess," he shrugged.
"Good," I nodded, grateful for the walk that would let me get my bearings back.
I took my new friend to a cozy, dark (read: dingy) dive near my temporary digs. The beer was cheap, the food acceptable and, most importantly, the staff completely apathetic. I think I could have gutted someone on the bar and gotten no more than a dirty look for creating a mess.
Once we were settled in the back corner with a pitcher and a plate of what the menu claimed to be buffalo wings but actually looked suspiciously like pigeon, I started to find out some things about my new acquaintance.
"So, man-who-refuses-to-tell-me-his-name," I smiled, pouring him a pint, "how's it feel to meet your long lost twin?"
He frowned at me and grabbed for the glass as if chugging a beer would make sense of all of this. When he downed half of it and wiped his mouth clean, I could tell that his plan had, in fact, failed. "Look, just tell me who you are," he gruffed.
"I did," I shrugged as I poured for myself. "My name is Cory Raines and I am here to bone up on some of the history of my beloved country. My next stop is going to be Texas, actually. I've got a hankering to see the Alamo. Haven't been there since before it..." I stopped, grinning when I realized I'd almost told him I hadn't been there since before the mission was even built. "I haven't been for a while."
Giving me another distrustful look, he again took a long drink of his beer.
"Look, if you don't trust me, why did you agree to come with me?"
"I never said I don't trust you," he said, the throaty growl making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Then tell me your name." My request was met with silence.
"If you don't tell me your name, I'm going to start calling you Abe just so I have some way to address you other than handsome stranger." That garnered me a raised eyebrow and I couldn't help myself; I laughed.
"Did I miss the joke?"
"Nah," I waved a dismissive hand at him, "I just like the way you react to compliments from strange men. I wonder what you'd do if I tried something else." I grinned and took a sip of my beer. "If I said you've got a nice body, would you hold it against me?"
This time I was rewarded with a snicker before he finished off the last of his beer. "Alex," he said, reaching for a wing.
"Finally," I said, wiping my brow with mock relief, "I was afraid I'd have to go to the B material."
"That was your A material?" he asked, licking sauce from his fingers. "You'd better work on your pick ups. As it is, the only reason I'm still here is because you've got my face."
I laughed again, excited that he seemed to be loosening up and rather entranced by the way he ate the food with slow, careful bites. As I watched his mouth devour the chicken, I wished I could look that sexy. The one time I had tried to be seductive while consuming appetizers, my companion had asked me if there was something wrong with my steamed artichoke.
"What are you looking at?" Alex asked, licking his fingers clean then reaching for the pitcher.
"We're doubles, Alex. Don't you think it's strange? Aren't I allowed to stare for that simple reason?"
"You think I'm strange and you want to stare at me?" Alex shrugged and took more wings. "Suit yourself."
"I thought you were curious."
"I am."
"Then why aren't you asking more questions?"
"Because I'm eating."
"Fair enough," I nodded. "When you're finished eating, will you feel like talking then?"
He shook his head and picked up his glass. "Probably not. I've seen a lot of weird shit and this is just more of that. Yeah, I was shocked at first, but now..." He shrugged again. "You're obviously interested in me, so I'll finish eating, grab a quick fuck and you can give me a few bucks for the road."
I wasn't sure which part of that sentence caught me off guard the most; the fact that he wanted money in exchange for sex, the fact that he didn't seem to care he was currently eating and drinking with his exact double or the fact that to hear those words come out of what looked like Tom's mouth sent all the blood rushing from my brain and straight to my groin.
"You're a hustler?" I asked in my most casual voice.
"Among other things." A genuine smile accompanied the simple statement and I found myself wondering, again, if I looked that good when I smiled. "Do you have a problem with it?"
I took a moment to think about it and realized that I didn't. "No," I said. "I think I'm a little upset that I didn't think of it, first. Not only do you get to have sex, but you get money, too? What's not to like?"
His eyes darkened and he bit into a wing with a little more viciousness than the act required.
"I take it there's a downside?" I asked, taking a careful sip of my beer.
"Yeah, there is. When you get stuck with some old bastard who decides to include a few kinks you never agreed to, that can be a downside. Getting knocked out and waking up chained to a wall isn't a real thrill, either."
"Well, I think that depends on who's doing it, don't you?"
"That goes without saying, I think," he said, forcing a smile.
I actually felt a little guilty to be making light of something that so obviously bothered him. "I'm sorry if I've--"
"Don't apologize," he shrugged. "You don't know me and you don't owe me anything."
"True, but--" "Look, do you want to hook up, or what?" I sat back in my chair and narrowed my eyes at him. "If I'm going to end up paying you, anyway, I want to get my money's worth."
"That's a yes, then," he grinned, his good humor - or what passed for it - was back. "What do you like?"
"I'm pretty sure I'd like everything you could show me, but I'm not talking about that kind of time." I leaned forward and rested my arms on the table. "I want to give you some cash in exchange for getting to know you a little better."
He started at that and looked at me suspiciously. "Why?"
"Because even if you aren't curious about why we look alike, I am. A little." I pointed at his left arm. "I really want to know about that."
"No dice." He shook his head and sat back. "There's no need for you to know about what happened."
"I know that," I smiled, "but I'm curious. I'll make it worth your while."
"You must have made quite a haul from all those wallets you lifted," he said, winking at my surprised look.
"How'd you--"
"I was one of your victims, wasn't I?"
"Yes, but that doesn't mean I'd gotten anyone else's--"
"I was watching you," he snickered. "Besides, takes one to know one."
BUTTE, MONTANA 18--
Cory picked up a wad of bills and counted them. "I think this is the best haul yet," he said to his partner. "We make a damned good team."
"You're right about that," Tom grinned, tossing some cash at Cory and laughing when his lover primly picked up the notes and counted them in with the rest. "You think that guy's going to be okay, though?"
"Probably," Cory shrugged, "but it's not like he gave you any choice. If you hadn't shot him, I would have just because he was pointing a gun at you."
"You would have killed him for me?"
"Of course," Cory said, putting the money down and crawling over it to move closer to Tom. "If anyone tries to hurt you, I'll have to kill them."
Smiling, Tom took hold of Cory's chin and gave him a gentle kiss. "Wouldn't this all be simpler if I was like you? We'd never have to worry about losing each other."
"I don't want to think about that," Cory said, taking Tom's hand and pressing it to his cheek.
"What are you going to do when I die, Cory?" Tom asked softly. "You're probably gonna get tired of me when I get too old for you before that happens."
"I said I don't want to think about it," Cory frowned, kissing the palm of his lover's hand then looking at him with sad eyes. "The only way I'll get tired of you is if you tell me to. If you tell me to leave you alone, I will."
Tom smiled and cradled the back of Cory's head, holding him still before kissing him. "I really hope this means we're stuck with each other for a while."
WASHINGTON D.C. PRESENT DAY
I don't know how long we sat there talking and drinking and eating, but when I looked up, I noticed that we were the only ones left in the place and the staff was busy putting things away. Loudly.
"I guess we should get out of here," I said, standing and tossing some money onto the table. "I don't want to get them too pissed off. Who knows what they'll put in my beer the next time I come here?"
Alex snorted and stood. "From the looks of things, I don't think they even gave you a second glance all night. All they know is you're a customer. They're not paying attention to who you are, trust me."
"How can you tell?"
"I'm used to looking for signals in people," Alex shrugged, "not to mention the fact that people always stare at twins, even if they don't realize they're doing it. These guys didn't even look up the whole time they were serving us."
"I guess you're right," I said, feeling a little miffed that I probably hadn't been noticed at all.
"Don't look so disappointed," Alex said, laughing when I looked at him as if he'd been reading my mind. "Attention isn't always the best thing, you know."
"Yeah, well--" "You're used to getting it, though, aren't you?" I gave him a long look then nodded toward the exit. "Let's go, Sigmund. You might think you know me, but I just realized that we've been talking for hours and I don't know anything about you."
"You know everything you need to know," he said curtly, heading for the door and looking back once to see if I was following.
"That's bullshit." I walked after him, waiting until we were outside before taking hold of his arm, which was quickly snatched back from me. "You want to just call it a night, then?"
He frowned. "I thought you wanted a fuck."
"I want to find out more about you. Like," I touched his left arm, "what happened? How did you lose it?"
His eyes darkened and I wondered if I'd gone too far. I know he'd shut down the topic before, and I don't know why I was pushing it, but I wasn't too worried if I had; immortality has its privileges. How much could he hurt me? "I already told you that you don't need to know what happened. Is that why you spent all this time talking to me? You were trying to figure out the best way to segue into finding out how I became a freak?"
"I never said you were a freak," I said calmly, "but, yes, I would like to know what happened."
"Why? Do you have some sort of fetish?"
"For amputees who look like me?" I watched him tense, the defensive posture almost heartbreaking to see. "Um, no, Alex. It's not a fetish. It's not something I look for in men so I can use them in some way. "I know you weren't born that way, otherwise you wouldn't be talking about becoming a freak. I also know that whatever happened must be pretty damn awful if you're getting this upset about it." I tentatively touched his other hand and smiled. "Forget I asked, okay? I just...I like talking to you."
The way he looked at me made me think of a stray dog I'd picked up on the side of the road once. It was obvious the thing had been beaten and starved and neglected beyond belief. When I approached it, it growled at me, but its tail was still wagging. After all the shit it had probably been through, it was warning me off but still wagging its fucking tail. I saw something in Alex's stance that was warning me to back away, but the look in his eyes was practically screaming at me to not be put off by what I saw on the outside.
"Alex," I said, "you can come back to my place with me and we can talk some more, or you can go on your way. I don't want anything from you and I don't expect anything from you." He frowned and jerked his head back as if I'd offended him.
"So now I'm not good enough for you to fuck?"
"Are you kidding me?" I laughed helplessly and put my hands up in surrender. "Okay, I've decided that since I can't win this one, maybe we should just call it a night. What do I have to do to make you be rational?"
"Fuck you," Alex frowned. "I'm not irrational. I just don't trust people."
"I just spent hours eating and drinking and talking with you and you still don't trust me?" I knew I sounded hurt, and I know it was because he looked so much like Tom. There was no way Tom wouldn't trust me.
"So you spent a few bucks; big deal." "I don't know why you're making this so difficult, but I've just realized that you are not the man I lost, so, just..." I was at a loss for what else to say, so I simply gave up. "I'm outta here. See you around, Alex." I didn't give him a chance to say anything as I turned and quickly walked away. My life had been long enough without me putting up with that kind of bullshit. Besides, I'd been annoyed by the best of them, and Alex was not going to get the chance to join that ever growing list. As I walked, I chastised myself for starting to fall for what had probably been an act, and for being lulled into a false sense of security simply because he looked like Tom. If Alex was anything like me, he was very good at using what he had to manipulate people. I should have known better. There was more self-bashing as I realized I hadn't started to fall for his act; I had fallen for it. Even more chagrin filled me when I figured out that I'd fallen for him because he reminded me of the man I missed so much.
"Shit," I muttered and turned back around. I couldn't let him walk out of my life if I was already feeling something for him. Fine, maybe it wasn't exactly him I was feeling something for, but if I had the chance to be with Tom again, I was going to take it.
Was it wrong of me to pretend he was someone else? Probably.
Did that mean I wouldn't do it? Yeah, right. It wouldn't be fair for me to say that Alex himself hadn't gotten to me. He had, but that was only because I had to believe that if fate had been less kind to me, Alex's life could have been my own.
"Alex!" The hunched figure didn't slow his pace and I had to run to catch up with him. "Alex," I said, touching his shoulder to make him stop. "I'm sorry. I... I don't want you to go anywhere but home with me."
He stopped suddenly and turned around, staring at me with such disbelief I thought that perhaps I'd sprouted a third eye. "What did you say?"
He sounded hesitant; almost afraid that he'd misheard me. I shrugged and laughed nervously. "I said that I want you to come home with me. I...I've spent the better part of the day with you and I don't want it to end. I really like you, Alex. I like you so much it's making me feel bad that I might have hurt your feelings somehow."
"You seemed pretty pissed off just now," he said, tilting his head and studying me.
"Well, that was because you did piss me off," I grinned. "You managed to get offended because I didn't want a mindless fuck. I wasn't quite sure how to deal with that."
"Oh." He rewarded me with a half-smile. "So you really like me?"
I nodded. The smile disappeared. "Wait a minute, it's because I look like what's his name, right?"
"That's what got my attention at first, but it's not why I want to spend time with you now," I said.
"But you don't know anything about me."
"And whose fault is that?" I smiled. "It's not like I haven't tried to get to know more about you. I can say that I've enjoyed talking to you. You're funny, insightful, witty and obviously intelligent. I think the thug routine is a hell of a cover for who you really are."
"Oh yeah? And who am I?"
"I'll tell you if you come home with me."
MONTANA 18--
The sun shone down on the two men as they rested beside the creek where they usually had their morning swim. Toned and tan bodies glistened, the droplets of water that dotted their skin catching the morning sunlight and making them sparkle.
"What do you think about never leaving this spot?" Cory asked lazily, lulled by the gentle touch of his lover's fingers in his hair.
"I think I could get used to it," Tom smiled. "It feels like we're the only two people on the whole planet. Why would I want to leave?"
"I agree completely." Cory sighed and turned onto his back to look up at Tom. "Why don't we just do one more job and then retire?"
"It would have to be pretty big if it'll be the last, wouldn't it? Wouldn't something like that be too risky?"
Cory took Tom's hand and held it against his chest. "You should know that I'd never let you do anything that would take you from me."
"I know you're amazing, Raines," Tom chuckled, "but even you can't control everything in the universe."
"Maybe not, but I can damn well try, can't I?" Tom lowered his head and kissed Cory's mouth, sighing as he drew back again.
"I don't know if I want to do something that could get us caught. How much fun would it be if we end up spending our lives in prison? It's okay for you because you could risk an escape and let them shoot you. I don't have that luxury."
"I told you, I won't let anything happen to you," Cory insisted, sitting up and taking Tom's face between his hands. "I love you, Tom Andrews. I would rather die than lose you."
"That doesn't do me much good, does it?" Tom said with a small smile. "What would I do if you ever died? If it was possible, I mean."
"Look, we need to stop talking about this stuff. Forget I mentioned anything. We can make a good home for ourselves here."
"But what about money?" Tom asked, moving to lie down and rest his head in Cory's lap. "There's only so much we can do on our own."
"Are you telling me you have no faith in my abilities to feed us?" Cory asked with mock indignance.
"No, I'm saying that I'm pretty useless when it comes to stuff like that."
"No, you're not," Cory said firmly.
"How do you know that?"
"Because I know you. I know exactly who you are, Tom, and you can do anything you set your mind to."
WASHINGTON D.C. PRESENT DAY
I opened the door and stepped aside so Alex could enter ahead of me. "No, you go ahead," he said softly. "I don't really like walking blind into unfamiliar rooms."
"You bet." I stepped inside and turned on the light, revealing my sparsely furnished abode. "This is just where I'm staying temporarily," I said by way of explanation for the lack of personal items. Alex didn't have to know that after several lifetimes, sentimental attachments to belongings just didn't carry the weight they once did.
"Yeah, you mentioned going to Texas," Alex said, walking over to the one armchair I had and collapsing into it with a tired sigh.
"That's right." I was ridiculously thrilled that he'd remembered what I had told him. "If you're not doing anything, you should come with me."
"Sure, why not?" I had expected him to blow me off, so the agreement caught me off guard.
"You want to go?"
"Sure, why not?" he repeated.
"Okay," I nodded, struggling to keep my excitement in check just in case Alex thought I was a fool. I know how I would have felt if anyone had reacted giddily to my decision to be with them. Then again, I also know I would have been flattered to elicit such a response.
"When do you think you'll be leaving?" He leaned back in the chair and put his feet on the beaten up coffee table.
"Any time I feel like it," I said, taking a seat on the lumpy couch that had come with the place. I winced when I felt a spring poke my leg and quickly moved to a more comfortable spot. "That's the best part about being a man of leisure."
"How do you afford to live?"
"Well, as you can see, I'm used to only the best accommodations." I made a sweeping gesture with my hand to underscore my sarcasm, bringing to his attention the small bed in the corner of the room and the dimly lit kitchenette and bathroom. "As hard as it is for me to leave this palace, I have to face the fact that my funds will be running low soon. That usually means I have to leave town."
"What, are you going to rob a bank and then split?" Alex snickered. I smiled at him and touched the side of my nose.
"If I'm good about it, I can usually make the money last long enough for the trail to get cold before hitting another place."
"Okay," he smirked, "while you're doing that, why don't I steal us a car? Just tell me the model and it's yours."
Biting my bottom lip, I got up from the couch and moved to sit on the floor next to the chair. "I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I've spent a lot of years doing this, Alex, and it's gotten to the point where it's a foolproof plan."
Alex looked uncomfortable as he shifted in the chair and looked down at me. "I don't know," he said softly. "I don't think I want to get wrapped up in that kind of trouble, anymore."
"You don't have to. You can go to Texas ahead of me, let me get the job done and I'll meet you there."
"Why can't you just stay here? Why don't you let me..." He stopped and I saw a curtain descend over the concern he had been about to reveal to me.
Tentatively touching his knee, I smiled up at him. "Why don't I let you what?"
"I have some money," he shrugged. "It's not a fortune, but I've been smart about how I spend what I've earned. There's no need for you to take a risk like that."
"Alex, I'm starting to think that you care about my well-being."
"Yeah, well, don't let it go to your head," he smiled shyly and cleared his throat. "You got anything to drink?"
"Name your poison," I said, getting to my feet. "As long as it's scotch, you're in luck."
"Scotch it is, then. You need any help?" I waved my hand at him to stay in his seat, and saw to getting our drinks. When I returned to him, I handed him a glass with some brown liquid swirling around the bottom of it.
"I assume you take it straight."
"How'd you know?" he asked with an appreciative smile.
"You don't look like the kind of guy who likes watered down scotch."
I took a sip and sat down on the floor again. "I know I don't like it."
Alex nodded and slowly sipped his drink. I wondered what was going through his head as he sat there, staring into space. I didn't necessarily want him to talk to me about it; I was only curious. I cleared my throat and he turned to look at me, the lazy smile taking my breath away for just a moment. It was the same way Tom would look at me after we'd made love. I felt a pang of sadness when I realized just how much I missed him. After years of not letting myself think about him, here I was with his double, remembering every moment we'd had together before he'd left. Suddenly it felt as if it had just happened, and I lowered my head.
"You okay?" I could hear real concern in Alex's voice, so I raised my head and nodded.
"I don't know how to say this without it sounding extremely egotistical," I said, softly, "but please, take it in the spirit with which it's intended." He raised an eyebrow, looking at me expectantly. "You're beautiful," I continued, pleased to see his face color a little at the compliment. "I don't know if you think it's shallow, or if you even care that it might be. The fact is, you've gotten under my skin and I can't think of anything else but how much I'd like to kiss you, right now."
Another nod and another sip and then he looked at me again. "It does sound egotistical, but thank you." He winked at me and leaned down so his lips were just out of reach. "You sure you don't have a secret wish to kiss yourself?"
"Maybe," I shrugged, "but like I said, you're not the first twin I've met."
"Oh, so you're really wishing you could kiss him." The mask was back and I wanted to kick myself for bringing up Tom.
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to." A defensive shrug and he sat back to take another sip of his scotch. "Doesn't matter to me. I'm used to people pretending I'm someone else when they're with me."
"Alex, that's not what I meant," I insisted.
"I said it wasn't a problem. You can call me by his name, if you want."
I shook my head, feeling like a heel for making him think I didn't want to know him for himself. I felt even worse when I admitted that he was right. All I could think about was Tom and how I had him back.
"I still can't believe that you could have met someone who looks just like me. How come I haven't seen anyone who looks like me?"
I didn't know how to answer his question, so I opted to try and tell him the truth. "Alex, Tom was a man I loved a very long time ago."
"Couldn't have been that long ago," he muttered then sneered at me. "Unless you've been living forever."
Letting out a slow sigh, I got off the floor and took a seat on the couch. "What I'm about to tell you might sound unbelievable, but I'm willing to prove it to you."
The look he gave me when I paused made me wonder if he was thinking about the best way to make a safe exit if I turned out to be insane.
"To be honest with you," I continued, "Tom only believed it because he saw the proof with his own eyes."
MONTANA 18--
They had almost made it out of the bank, when a shot rang out and Cory went down.
Tom barely had time to register what had happened as he jumped on his horse and made a run for it with the money. His gun was out, firing into the crowd behind him as he blindly tore away from the scene. The commotion he left in his wake gave him enough time to get away, and it wasn't until he reached their hideout that it hit him. Cory had been shot. He spent the rest of the day and night holed up in the bed they'd shared, curled up into a ball, shaking and hoping that his lover was okay.
Deep down he knew that the shot had to have found its mark. He'd heard Cory cry out, and the way the people had swarmed around him when he fell, Tom knew that it couldn't be good.
Days passed and still Cory didn't show. By that time, Tom was starting to consider ending his own life, but he had to be sure before he took that last drastic step to relieve his grief.
Tom put on his best suit and rode back into town. He and Cory covered their faces when they robbed banks, so he wasn't afraid of anyone recognizing him as the one who got away. If anyone commented on his resemblance to Cory, he would simply tell them he was his brother, coming from Helena to find his kin.
By the time he arrived in town, he knew that something was really wrong. The buzz of energy in the air told him that the citizens were looking forward to something, and when his eyes lit upon the gallows, his heart sank.
"What's going on?" he asked a passing man who was carrying a shovel. The stranger looked up at Tom as if he'd seen a ghost.
"I... It cain't be," he whispered.
"What can't be?"
"They just hanged ya," the man said, pointing towards the gallows. "They hanged ya and put yer body in a pine box. I'm heading out to bury ya, right now." He raised the shovel as if that would be enough to prove himself right.
The color drained from Tom's face and he fought to stay in the saddle. He'd been wrong. The townspeople weren't looking forward to something, they'd already seen the public spectacle of execution.
"That...that was my brother," he croaked, licking suddenly dry lips. "I was trying to find him and... I...what happened?"
"Oh," the man said, taking off his hat and scratching his head, "well, I hafta admit I'm a might relieved you ain't a ghost, but I'm sorry to have to tell ya this, mister. Your brother was a bank robber and we done hanged him fer his crimes." He shifted uncomfortably when Tom bent over as if the wind had been knocked out of him. "I cain't say I'd shed any tears over it, but I kin tell ya where the body's at."
"Please," Tom whispered, nodding his head. "I...have to see it."
"He ain't been buried, yet," the old man repeated, as he started walking to the outskirts of town. "They boxed him up and took him out, but I ain't had a chance to dig the hole yet. I..." He looked at Tom out of the corner of his eye, and shrugged. "I guess it'll be okay if you want to say a few words over him or something, you bein' his brother an' all."
"I would like that, very much," Tom said softly, "but would you mind if I have some privacy?"
"Well, I guess he ain't goin' nowhere, so, okay. It's just over the first hill on yer way outta town. Just a pine box but I got to get it in the dirt before nightfall."
"Of course," nodded Tom, "it's only right for him to have a proper burial. I won't be very long."
"If you ask me, it's best that your family don't have an outlaw in it, no more." Tom had to suppress the urge he had to jump down off his horse and punch the smirk off the man's face. Instead, he turned his mount around and headed in the direction he'd been pointed. The short distance seemed to stretch out before him, and he wondered if he'd ever reach his lover's final resting place; not that he wanted to. If he did, it would mean it was all true. Cory was dead and he would never see him again.
After what seemed like hours, he spied a shape in the distance. With every thud of a hoof, he drew closer and closer, until there was no mistake that he was looking at his lover's coffin. Dismounting, he cried out with grief and stumbled the last few feet to throw himself down beside it.
"Cory," he whispered, touching the smooth pine of the coffin, "why did you get caught?" He said his lover's name again, louder, until he was calling it out loud in the impossible hope that he'd hear an answer. Sobbing and wailing, he flung himself on top of the wooden box, unable to face the fact that his Cory would be buried in the cold, hard ground by someone who thought of him as nothing more than a common criminal.
"No," Tom said firmly, wiping the tears from his face with angry swipes of his fist. "No, they are not going to have you." He closed his eyes, said a silent prayer, then slowly raised the lid of the coffin.
WASHINGTON D.C.
"Oh my god, so what did he do when he saw you were alive?" Alex was on the edge of his seat, his eyes as wide a saucers as he stared down at me. The story had been incredible, to be sure, but the fact that he believed every word I was saying to him seemed even more remarkable.
"Well, let's just say that I almost scared him to death," I said, feeling chagrined at the memory. "At first I really thought I'd killed him, but once he came to, he seemed to think that the town doctor had made a mistake when he'd declared me dead."
"It's hard to make a mistake when you hang a guy, though, isn't it?" Alex snickered.
"It was just his way of trying to deal with the truth."
"And the truth is..."
"Alex, I know that you want to believe everything I'm telling you, but I also know that you have your doubts."
Alex snorted and slumped down in his chair. "After all the shit I've seen, you'd be surprised what I'm thinking. But go ahead, impress me."
I got to my feet and stood in front of Alex, what Tom had called an impish grin on my face as I thought about proving my immortality to him. "Take that knife you've got in your boot and stab me with it."
"What?" Looking decidedly uncomfortable, Alex shifted in his seat and I knew that he had only been appeasing me before.. "No way, man. I don't need an assault charge on top of everything else in my life."
"Come on, Tom, you know you want to see if it's true."
Green eyes flickered angrily then darkened. "I'm not Tom. I'm Alex."
"Oh shit," I whispered, quickly dropping to my knees beside Alex. The name had come out before I could even think about it. "I'm so sorry, Alex. It's just... Talking about Tom and remembering what it was like when he found out about me... I'm feeling kind of confused, right now. Please..." I touched Alex's knee, pleading with him to understand. "I didn't mean any offense."
Alex swallowed slowly and licked his lips, giving me a glimmer of hope for just a second. "Fine. You didn't mean it. See if I give a shit." Without warning, he pulled the knife from his boot and plunged it into my gut. "You crazy fuck. You think you're invincible? Deal with that, huh?"
I watched him smile as he pulled out the blade then wiped it clean on my shirt. The cold steel had taken me by surprise because I had sworn he wouldn't do it. If he had waited for me to expect it, that would have been one thing but... The coppery taste of blood in my mouth made me panic for a few seconds before I felt the searing heat of my body beginning to heal itself. I was amazed that even after all this time, the taste of my own blood always managed to freak me out a bit. The look on Alex's face was worth any discomfort, though. What I saw in those eyes was exactly what I'd seen in Tom's when he'd realized exactly what I was.
"I'm really not crazy," I finally said, a little breathless as I straightened up and looked at the hole the knife had made in my shirt. "I'm kind of pissed that you ruined one of my shirts, though." I wrinkled my nose as I looked at the smear of blood on the arm. "I fucking hate blood stains."
"What the fuck are you?" Alex asked, his voice hoarse and trembling. "You're not... You're not human."
"Yes, I am," I said with a wave of my hand. "I just happen to be an immortal." I stripped off my shirt and tossed it into a corner. "See?" I stood over Alex and smoothed a hand over my stomach. I couldn't help smiling at the shocked look on Alex's face. "Good as new."
"So you can't be killed?"
"Well, I can be killed, but damned if I'll tell you how," I snickered. I knew an unstable character when I met one, and there was no telling how long I'd last if I let Alex in on the secret to killing me.
"Fine. You're invincible. So what? What the fuck do you want from me?" Alex looked decidedly nervous as he shifted in his seat, the knife still in his hand. He put it away as an afterthought then looked up at me, expectantly. I had to fight my urge to lean down and kiss him. It was the same way Tom had looked at me when we'd hatch a plan, and a professional discussion would often end up in an afternoon in bed.
"I told you, I just want to get to know you, Alex. I... I'm not trying to offend you by sometimes thinking you're Tom, but if I can be completely honest, I miss him." My heart started pounding when I thought about just how much I wanted Alex to be Tom. When Tom had left me to start a new life, I thought I would die. It wasn't until I received news that he'd been murdered that I realized what true grief was. I cleared my throat and took a step back. "I miss him when I let myself think about him, and talking to you makes me feel better."
"Look, pal, I'm not here to be some kind of knockoff for a lost love, okay?" Alex rose to his feet, his usual demeanor intact, once again. "You want to get to know me, that's fine. You want to fuck, that's even better. But I'm not gonna fulfill whatever fantasy you've got in your head."
"Wait," I said, panicking a little that he'd walk out of my life. "I'll... You said that you wanted money. Don't you want me to give you something for your time?" T
That earned me a curious look. "Yeah, I guess I do. How much?"
"How much for the whole night?" I knew I must have looked desperate to him, but I didn't care. I was going to be with Tom one more time, even if it cost every penny I had.
"Depends on what you want."
"Five thousand if you let me...pretend you're him." I lowered my eyes, inexplicably afraid that I would offend the man whose time I was paying for. "I'm sure it's not the worst request you've ever received."
Alex's facade trembled for a minute, and I wondered if he really was hurt that I was turning out like all the rest. He quickly gathered himself together and nodded. "Give me half now," he said, voice cold and distant.
"Okay." I went to my chest of drawers and opened the bottom one, rooting around until I found an envelope of cash. Counting out twenty-five one hundred dollar bills, I put the rest away and turned to give the money to Alex. "Thank you," I said inanely, wincing a little when he grabbed the money out of my hand. "Alex, I'm sorry if..."
"Who's Alex?" he asked, forcing a smile. "Come on, baby, don't you recognize your one true love?" He grabbed me around the waist, and before I could say another word, he was kissing me. It was brutal and punishing, nothing at all like Tom, but what could I expect?
I pushed him away and wiped at my mouth. "No, it's not going to be like that," I whispered, holding up a hand to him. "I'm paying you good money, so you're going to get it right."
I took his hand and made him sit down in the chair again. "One thing you have to know about Tom is that he was a very gentle man. Yes, he could kill and rob without blinking an eye, but with me, he was tender and loving and..." I stopped when I felt the prickling burn of tears in my eyes. "Maybe this isn't going to work," I said, shaking my head. "I... I lied, Alex. I never wanted to get to know you. I wanted to bring you back here and pretend you were Tom from the very beginning. I... You can leave. Keep the money and just leave."
"Wait a minute," Alex looked at me, his feathers definitely ruffled. "Where do you get off yanking me around like this? What gives you the right to do that to me?"
To say that the outburst took me by surprise would have been an understatement. I couldn't figure out where the anger was coming from, nor could I fathom why he'd have any reason to be upset when I had given him twenty-five hundred bucks for doing nothing more than coming home with me and talking. "Alex, I'm not sure what you're get upset about, but if you want the rest of the money, I don't really think it's fair to--"
"It's not about the fucking money," he growled, throwing the wad of cash at me. We both watched dispassionately as the bills fluttered to the ground. I wasn't entirely sure that Alex knew why he had reacted the way he had, but I thought it best to keep my mouth shut until he figured it out for himself. "You've got a hell of a lot of nerve, you know that?" he continued, starting to pace back and forth like some kind of caged animal. "First, you try to steal my wallet, then you buy me a few drinks and make me think that maybe we'll hook up. You spend hours telling me about some dead guy you used to love while lying to me about wanting to get to know me better, and now you tell me I'm not going to fuck you right because I'm not sweet and cuddly."
I must have looked shocked, because when Alex faced me again he stopped in his tracks. "What? You don't think I've got a reason to be pissed off?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but was unable to find the words to describe exactly how unstable I thought he was. It would probably be best for me to play along with him and get him out of my apartment. I never would have thought that a mortal would have scared me so much, but at that moment in time, I felt more than a little uneasy around him. "Alex," I finally said, "I think you have the right to feel any way you please."
"Don't give me that bullshit," he spat at me. "Don't try to appease me because you think I'm going to kill you. You know god damn well I can't hurt a hair on your head."
"Fine," I nodded, "why don't you let me make it up to you somehow?"
"You don't even get it." He shook his head and tossed me a rueful smile. "You've got my face, Cory. You can't be part of some government experiment because you've been around since before there was a fucking government, so that means that it's some kind of cosmic joke, right?"
I shrugged. "I guess if you want to think of it that way, but I don't--."
"So, here you are with my face, or rather, here I am with yours. We should have an instant connection, right? We should be so enthralled with each other because how often does this shit happen?" He actually looked pained as he took a seat in the chair, again. "Apparently it happens more than I thought because you already met a guy who looks like me. Not only that, but you loved him so much, you can't even try to get to know me. You just want me to be him. Guess what, man? I'm not him."
What had obviously turned into a tantrum was quickly getting on my nerves. Folding my arms in front of my chest, I walked over to stand in front of him. "Let me get this straight," I said, tilting my chin as if giving the matter a great deal of thought. "You're pissed off because I didn't get as excited about seeing you as you got about seeing me? Do I have that right? You're actually upset because you weren't the first lookalike I'd ever met."
"You think I'm an idiot, don't you?"
"I think that you are not used to feeling anything for people, actually." That made Alex pause, and he looked as if he were at a loss for words. I liked it because it gave me a chance to try and repair the damage I wasn't really sure could be fixed. "What I mean is that you just admitted to being excited to meet me and because I didn't share the same enthusiasm, you've gotten hurt."
"I don't think I like the sound of that," Alex frowned, looking more and more uncomfortable with every word I uttered. "Makes me sound like some kind of pussy."
"Then I guess that's what you are," I said sourly. I saw no reason for Alex to have such trouble admitting that he was hurt. Then again, I didn't really know anything about the man other than the fact that he'd had a hard life at times. But really, who hasn't? I took a deep breath, trying to think of the best way to fix this. It was beyond me why I gave a damn - the fact that he looked like Tom could only go so far in making me forgive his actions. All I knew was I didn't want him to leave angry. "Look, Alex, you can think what you want about yourself or about the way you feel about me. The fact remains that you feel something for me that you won't admit, and I feel... I miss my lover. I can't give you anything more than that."
For a moment, I was sure he would hit me, but instead he clenched his fist at his side and slumped his shoulders. "You're a shit," he said softly. "You're a shit and I don't know why I give a fuck."
"Wow," I said, raising an eyebrow, "if you keep up that kind of sweet talk, you'll win me over for sure."
"I don't want to win you over. I want... I don't even know what the fuck I want."
Something about the way his lip curled and his eyes flashed hit me like a punch to the gut. I was getting turned on faster than I thought possible. The few fights Tom and I'd had usually stemmed from something I'd done to offend him, whether deliberate or not. What usually ended the fight was me seeing him getting riled up and deciding that enough was enough before I attacked him and ended up in bed with him.
"Why are you staring at me that way?" Alex's voice broke me out of my reverie, and I could feel arousal building inside me with every twitch of his mouth and clench of his jaw.
"I want to fuck you, Alex." The words hung between us, and I wasn't sure of anything but how much I meant those words. I wanted to fuck him, not Tom. I needed to push him down on that bed and take him, to prove that I wasn't just some romantic sap who'd gotten too caught up in the past.
"I told you, I don't want to do that, anymore." I crossed over to him and grabbed the front of his shirt. "Are you listening to me? I said I want to fuck you. You, Alex, not some memory of some long lost lover." He raised a hand to grab my arm, and I wasn't able to tell what he was thinking. Not until he crushed his mouth to mine.
BUTTE, MONTANA 18--
"How come you always know how to end a fight?" Tom smiled and rolled onto his back, face flushed and shiny with sweat.
"Because I am the most talented man in the world," Cory smirked, draping himself across his lover's chest. "Life is too short to waste on fighting." He pressed gentle kisses to Tom's chest, purring as he felt the last sparks of orgasm fading away. "I figure if I do this to distract you, you won't stay mad at me."
"Cory, I don't think I could stay mad at you if I tried. I love you too much to stay pissed off for too long."
Cory beamed and slowly propped himself up on an elbow. "Tom Andrews loves me," he said in a sing-songy voice. "He loves me and he can't get enough of me."
"You're a real piece of work, Cory Raines," Tom laughed, moving to roll Cory onto his back and pin him down. "You'd better believe I love you," he whispered, staring down into eyes that mirrored his own. "Even when you try to get under my skin, I still love you."
"I thought you liked it when I got under your skin," chuckled Cory, pushing up against the weight of his lover's body. "I know I like it when you get inside mine."
"Brat," Tom said fondly, lowering his head to give Cory a sweet, slow kiss. "I wish I could live forever, too. I don't want to think about getting old and dying and having to leave you."
"Don't think about any of that stuff," Cory frowned, holding Tom tightly. "If you think about it, you'll start to talk about leaving me, again, and we'll just end up having another fight."
"But look how nicely this one turned out." Tom kissed Cory again, more urgently this time. "No matter what happens, I'm always going to love you, Cory." The words stopped Cory cold and he pushed Tom off of him.
"You're still planning on leaving, aren't you? Just because you're afraid to get old and see me staying the same, you're going to fucking leave me."
"That's not true, Cory. I want to stay with you. I'm just afraid..."
"Of watching yourself get old while I stay the same." Cory's face was stricken as he saw that he'd hit on something. "You've been making an issue of this since you found out the truth, Tom, so you can't deny it, anymore."
Tom let out a long sigh and sat up. "I think I have every right to make an issue out of the fact that my lover is going to live forever and I'm not. Can't you even try to understand how that makes me feel?"
"I don't see why it's something we have to worry about now," Cory insisted. "You've got years to go before you should even think about getting old. Why can't we just enjoy that time together?"
"Because I'm always going to be thinking about the day when I'm not enough for you; when I'm an old man..."
Cory looked as if he'd been slapped, and he slowly rose to his feet to start getting dressed. "If you think that little of my feelings for you, then I guess there's nothing left to say. Good luck with your life, Tom."
"Cory, please, don't go." Tom was immediately on his feet and pulling Cory to him. "I don't want it to end like this."
"But you do want it to end, don't you?" Cory's eyes glimmered with unshed tears as he looked at his twin, pleading with him to make it all better by saying the words he wanted to hear. Tom lowered his head and stepped back. "I think in the end it would be best."
"Okay," Cory choked. "Good luck, then."
"You are the only man I'll ever love, Cory. I mean that."
"Thanks for that." The words were forced, as was the smile. Cory clenched his jaw and tilted his head up as if that would be enough to stem the tide of pain that was threatening to wash over him.
"I mean it," Tom repeated. "I'm never going to love anyone like this."
"Doesn't mean all that much, does it?" Cory touched Tom's face when the other man flinched from his words. "That's not to hurt you, Tom. I just don't see how you can say you love me and still leave me so easily."
"It's not easy," Tom said mournfully. "I... It's been something I've been thinking about for a while. I don't want to have this kind of life, anymore, Cory, and I don't think you want to give it up."
"I can, if you want me to."
"No, you can't. You'll start to miss it and you'll resent me for it." Tom turned his head to kiss Cory's hand, a tear trickling down his cheek. "Let's just make this a clean break, okay?"
Cory nodded, afraid that he'd break down completely if he tried to speak. It was all happening so fast, he couldn't even think straight. One moment, he and his lover were in bed, the next, they were splitting up. If he let himself stop to think about how ridiculous and impossible it seemed, he'd never be able to go on.
"You know that I'm going to come to my senses and come back to you, right?" Tom forced a smile. "Who knows? If you live forever, we might meet again, someday, when I'm running around in some new body."
Sniffing, Cory wiped at his eyes. "What, you mean like reincarnation? You believe in that?"
"I don't know, but maybe I'll have my act together by then." The smile was genuine this time, and Tom pulled Cory into a hug. "Look, just give me six months to see if the honest life is for me. If it's too much to take, I'll be back."
"So I'm going to be your safety net? I'm still going to outlive you. Why do you think you'll suddenly want to stay with me?" Cory furrowed his brow. "You're confusing me, Tom, and I don't like it."
"Just...just let me do this, okay? I can't think clearly when I'm around you, Cory. Right now, all I see is a man who will watch me wither away and die, and it won't be fair to you or to me. Maybe if I'm away from you for a little while, I'm going to realize I can't live without you." Cory looked vulnerable for probably the first time in his life. "Why can't you realize that now?"
"Six months," Tom whispered. "I know it sounds like forever, but let me see where life takes me."
"I don't want to. All I can see is that it's taking you away from me."
"Cory..." Tom sighed and kissed Cory's forehead. "You should take this time to see what it is you really want, too."
"I already know what I want, but if you need to be away from me, that's fine. Just...just promise you'll let me know one way or the other. If you decide you don't want me anymore, tell me. You promise you'll do that?"
Tom nodded, his face solemn. "Thank you, Cory."
CORY'S APARTMENT
I wasn't sure what to do with the sobbing man in my arms. One minute I was kissing him with a passion I'd only dreamt about, the next I was trying to soothe the same man who had, minutes ago, been the aggressor. When the crying looked as if it was starting to subside, I stroked Cory's hair and tilted his head up to press a tender kiss to the slightly parted lips.
"I know it's none of my business," I whispered, "but do you want to tell me what that was about?"
"I... It's about Tom. I don't think you want to hear it."
"No shit, it's about Tom," I said, surprising myself by smiling. "You've done nothing but think about him all day, so why stop now. You haven't broken down like this before, though. What were you thinking?" He looked at me with such sorrow in his eyes, I felt a tug at my heart that took my breath away. There was no telling why I felt such a connection to this man. Sure, we were identical, but the feeling I had was more than curiosity or sympathy. I felt as if I knew him. Even worse, I felt as if I wanted him to know me.
I urged him to sit on the couch and joined him, amazed when he immediately pressed up against my side as if seeking whatever comfort I could give.
"Why don't you tell me everything?" I prompted, actually wanting to hear about what had hurt him so much. I hadn't expected the rush of words as he told me about the last fight they'd had, and the discussions that had led to it. By the time he told me the whole story, including receiving news that Tom had been killed, I felt as if I knew the man who had captured Cory's heart all those years ago.
"I'm sorry," I said, unable to think of anything else.
"I think he would have come back to me, you know. Eventually, he would have gotten tired of that girl and he would have come running back to me."
"You really believe that?"
"I...don't know," he sighed. "I guess there's not much point in wondering about it, now."
A silence hung between us, but it wasn't uncomfortable or begging to be filled. I felt as if I was doing more just by holding him than if I'd tried to comfort him with words.
"Alex, do you believe in reincarnation?" The question made me shift uncomfortably. I had been wondering the very same thing after Cory had finished his story. Something about it seemed so familiar to me, but I was sure it was just my imagination. I could picture the cabin they'd shared, as well as the creek where they swam. Hell, I was sure I could sketch out the town where Tom had thought he'd lost his lover forever.
"I'm not sure. Why?"
"What do you think the odds are of me meeting two doubles in at least as many lifetimes?" he asked, looking at me with wide eyes. "Don't you think it has to mean something that you look just like him?"
"It's a coincidence, Cory," I said softly, wondering if he was on to something, or if the power of suggestion was making me want it to be true. If it was true, that would mean I was the one he'd want. "Besides, people never come back looking exactly the same, do they?" I said when he continued staring at me.
"Not all the time, but how do we know for sure?" I felt myself starting to get angry that he still wanted me to be someone else even though I was beginning to have my own questions about why I looked so much like his dead lover. "Look, man, I know you've been missing him because we've been talking about him, but how about you just accept the fact that you're stuck with me?" He sat up, moving so he could look at me levelly.
"God, Alex, that's not what I meant, at all. I just thought it was kind of cool if he'd come back me. I'm...I don't mean to offend you. I'm sorry that I keep doing that."
"Cory..." I let out a slow breath, warring with myself as to whether or not I wanted to kiss him or walk out. My sentimental side must have been in full force, because suddenly I was pulling him close and covering his mouth with my own. Any offense I'd felt was long forgotten when I found myself wanting to make him feel better. I wanted to stay with him because I was drawn to him for more reasons than the fact we looked alike. By the time we parted, he looked dazed, and I couldn't help laughing. "You okay?" I asked, stroking his cheek with the backs of my fingers.
"You, um... For a second, you tasted like him." He looked guilty as he made the admission, but I knew what he was trying to say. For a moment, it seemed perfectly clear to me. I don't know why, but I knew that I'd been waiting for him all these years. The initial punch to the gut feeling I'd had when I first saw him had very little to do with the fact that we were twins. What got my attention was the fact that more than a lifetime ago, I'd left him and had never had the chance to return to him...until now.
"You look like you're thinking really hard about something," he whispered, turning his head to kiss my palm. "Want to share?"
"Let's say, for just a minute, that you're right about this reincarnation thing."
"Okay," he said, sitting up and looking more interested.
"How would I know if that's why I'm so willing to stay with you? I...If you'd known me my whole life, you'd know that I don't look to create ties to anyone, yet when I saw you, I didn't want to leave your side."
A slow smile spread across his face. "You didn't?"
I couldn't help but return the smile. "I didn't. In fact, I wanted to jump for joy when you invited me to grab a bite with you. The only reason I didn't was because... Well, guys like me don't jump for joy."
That garnered a soft laugh and a tentative kiss to my cheek. "Go on," he said.
"So there I am, feeling like I don't want to leave you, and then I get pissed off because you keep wanting to make me someone else, when really, all you're doing is proving how much you love--" I stopped when I realized I'd been about to say he loved me. "I was feeling jealous for no apparent reason," I finally finished.
"You were feeling jealous?" Cory stared at me in disbelief. "I can't... Do you really think it's because maybe you felt like you... Maybe you knew me..."
I put my finger to his lips and shook my head. "Let me put this idea on the table. Why don't we both have our own theories about what's happening here and keep them to ourselves? Then, in about three or four weeks, we can see just where this is going and decide if we want to stay together."
"You mean like a trial basis?" Cory asked, the smile spreading across his face lighting up his features. "Are you serious?"
"Hey, I just said we'd hang out together and see how it goes," I snickered. "I don't think I'm making a life long commitment."
"I'll take it." Cory sat up and looked more confident as he wound his arms around my neck. "I'll take you, Alex. You and no ghosts from the past."
"Unless I am a ghost from the past," I said, starting to feel a whole lot better about this whole thing. My hand strayed down to slide over Cory's chest and stomach, and I had the sudden urge to play with his belly button.
His hand immediately came down on mine. "What are you doing?" he asked, looking at me as if he wanted to cry.
"I'm sorry," I said, sure that I'd done something wrong. "I just had this urge to do that."
"Why?" I shrugged, definitely starting to feel uncomfortable and a little foolish. "I don't know. It seemed like something you'd like. Can we drop it?"
"No, Alex," he whispered, smiling brightly. "He used to do that when he'd want to...retire to the bed."
"He..." I started to laugh, not sure if it was from relief or joy or both. "Now you're just messing with me, aren't you?"
"Not at all." He didn't have to say it for me to know that he wasn't.
"So, what do you think this means?" He narrowed his eyes at me, a playful gleam sparkling in them. I wanted to kiss him so badly, I could taste it, but I wanted to see what he would do, first.
"See that bed in the corner?" he askd softly, nodding in the direction of the queen size mattress and boxspring on the floor. "Why don't we go over there and see what other things you suddenly feel like doing?"
Without a word, I rose to my feet, pulling him up with me. My heart was racing as we walked over to the bed, and as I watched him slide out of his clothes, I knew exactly who I was.
END
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